10/13/2005

 

The Curse is Reversed

Baseball, or at least baseball on television, loves curses. Loves the very thought of them.

Last year, according to FOX at least, the Curse of the Bambino was lifted off of the Boston Red Sox. This year, if the White Sox make the World Series, I would imagine that FOX will invent a cleverly worded phrase to somehow imply that Shoeless Joe Jackson cursed the franchise. They will then attempt to kill the audience by overdosing them on a lethal cocktail of dynamic graphics, clips from "Field of Dreams," and promos for "Kitchen Confidential." Sweet.

And we all know about the supposed Curse of the Billy Goat which has plagued the Chicago Cubs for years (yeah, like it's really about a fucking goat and not about poor management and crappy baseball players. Damon Berryhill? Get bent.)

So with all of the love for curses going around, I am a little confused that FOX (or F/X?) has not picked up on a curse which has left the Cardinals without a World Series title since 1982:

The Curse of Keith Hernandez

Although he was not the first to mention The Curse, Dan O'Neill at the Post-Dispatch documented it last year. If you are unfamiliar to the story, here's the synopsis:

After the Cardinals won the World Series in 1982, they, like most ball teams are prone to do, celebrated on the field. Unfortunately, first baseman Keith Hernandez was caught trying to snort the first base line (or so legend has it. In his defense, it was the '80's. I bet he was trading junk bonds on his huge cell phone, too. Isn't that what everyone did in the '80's?)

During June of the next season, Hernandez was traded to the Mets for players who frankly stunk, but were not so obviously addicted to cocaine (Neil Allen and Rick Owenby.

Hernandez went on to not only lead the Mets to the World Championship in 1986, but also to team up with Roger McDowell in an elaborate plan to spit on a heckler who had poured a beer on McDowell's head during a game at Shea Stadium (the heckler was later identified as one Cosmo Kramer.)

The Cardinals, however, have not won a single championship since Hernandez was sent packing. They have consistently come up short. Over and over, the Cardinals have had key players go down to injuries just before the postseason begins, and normally in bizarre fashion. For example:


Clearly, Keith Hernandez was not happy with his departure from Saint Louis. And we have been one cursed franchise since then.

This year, Rolen was nice enough to go out early in the season. That left plenty of time for Abe Nunez to get adjusted to the hot corner, and become not just adequate, but down right good

Reggie Sanders went down with a broken leg, but he came back. And came back huge

Larry Walker was bothered by injuries all year, but he's old and Canadian. These things happen.

Then, on the final day of the regular season, at the final regular season game ever to be played at Busch Memorial, something strange happened. Al Reyes, the Cardinals most effective relief pitcher all season long, hurt his arm doing something (what did he do, anyway? Does anybody know?) Not only will he miss the playoffs, he'll miss all of next year, too.

The Curse of the Keith strikes again, I thought.

I was wrong.

Only a few minutes after Reyes went down, the ball game was over and the Cardinals organization began one of the most ridiculous and elaborate farewells which an inanimate object has ever had (the crowd was cheering a dead guy's hat which was being pulled by horses, for crying out loud.)

And who was there to take part in the festivities? Keith Hernandez himself. And let me tell you, that man's moustache hasn't aged a day since 1986.

Keith, apparently, has made his piece with the Cardinals franchise. I've even heard rumors that if he ever makes it into Cooperstown, he'll go in as a Cardinal (in fairness, that rumor may have been started by Roommate Matt - the staunchest Hernandez supporter you could ever meet.)

And just like that, The Curse was lifted.

The freak injuries started hitting the other team.

Jake Peavy breaks a rib while celebrating the great achievment of the Padres winning 82 games in a season.

Andy Pettitte gets drilled in the knee with a line drive during batting practice, just hours before he starts a less than effective game one of the NLCS.

These are the types of injuries which used to only happen to the Cardinals in the playoffs.

Not any more.

The Curse, it appears, has finally been reversed.

(And if Reggie Sanders goes down with a broken hip during tonight's game, we'll just pretend I never wrote this.)
_________________________________
UPDATE (10/14/05)
Sorry about that, Reggie. My bad.
I will now take some good advice and quit predicting things.

Comments:
Does a lower back sprain count? The curse returns!
 
Why did you write that last parenthetical? AAAAAAAAHHHHH REGGIE!!!
 
i went to school with landrum's daughter.

great site
 
How Bout Them Astros AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
 
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