A Disturbing (Yet Fun) Time killer

*If the subject of suicide is something which generally offends you, don't read this*

HA! My first advisory warning! First of all, to say in advance...Do not kill yourself.
Anyhoo...I was watching Bad Santa last night and there was a scene where ole' Billy Bob Thorton was sitting in his garage with the car running, trying to end his sweet little life. I asked the roommates what they would have playing on the stereo if they were in that situation. The answers were: Radiohead, Pink Floyd, and "Panama" by Van Halen.

Now, this is a subject that my buddy Daryl and I used to discuss at quite some length...Which couldn't have helped the fact that a lot of people (incorrectly I assure you) were convinced that he was going to murder them and then take his own life. Well, it hasn't happened yet. I repeat, Yet.

Back to the suicide/music thing. If you are going to kill yourself, I think it would be appropriate to have a particular song playing in the background. Something playing on repeat, preferably hidden (so that the entire time the authorities are cleaning up your mess, the song is playing), and something which would leave whoever finds you so rattled that they would rather drink stomach bile than hear that song ever again.

Daryl and I found that there is no one perfect suicide song. There are lots of ways to kill yourself...And there are lots of songs....So lets match up what songs should be played while you kill yourself:

1) Hanging - "No Surprises", Radiohead
2) Slitting of the wrists- "Old Man", Neil Young
3) Russian Roulette- "Baby I Love Your Way", Peter Frampton (most people who listen to this song shoot themselves anyway)
4) Head in the oven- "Anyway You Want It", Journey
5) Toaster in the bathtub - "Take It On The Run", REO Speedwagon ("I heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from another you've been messing around")

Now, there are many more great combos out there. Feel free to come up with some of your own, it helps to kill time (but not yourself!)

Asphyxiation via Ziploc storage bag: "The Kids" by Lou Reed
Well played, Brian. There are few Lou Reed songs that aren't haunting.
Cement shoes and the deep end of a swimming pool; "Octapuss' Garden" by The Beatles, and for Darlys' killing spree where he inevitably offs himself, (i'll leave how he does it to the professionals) "Maxwells' Silver Hamer" also by The Beatles.
Well, I guess the time would eventually come when this subject would be out. I always enjoyed talking about it because good music causes emotion, much like good suicide. If you can get them to mesh...heaven.
Thanks for always being there to coax me over the edge Al. You're a merciless bastard.
Travis:Somewhere Else - Slitting Wrists
Travis:Dear Diary - Head in Oven/Cheap KMart Plastic Bag
Elliot Smith: Needle in the Hay - Hanging (naked light bulb in room is a must)
Elliot Smith: Rose Parade - Asphyxiation in Car (preferrably a stationwagon with wood panels)
Elliot Smith: Somebody I used to know - Gun in Mouth
Elliot Smith: Can't Make a Sound - Sleeping Pills (Must be in a cheap motel room and found by hispanic maid)
Radiohead: Climbing up the walls - Bathtub and toaster
Radiohead: Electioneering - Rocking yourself to death.
Bob Dylan: You ain't goin nowhere - Jumping from a building.
The Killers: Smile Like you Mean it - My finale
You will note the repeated use of some artists over others. This is not for lack of imagination...just a finely honed taste in music. I ain't gonna be that nigga that goes out listenin' to the soundtrack to Belly. Holler.
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