N.Y.E, World Series Closure, Chapelle Show, and N.Y. Resolutions

Ney Years Eve has never meant very much to me. It is, and always will be, the most overated holiday of the year. There's no real signifigance other that the fact that you're going to write the wrong date about twenty times in the next few weeks.


I spent the new year's eve drinking rather heavily with some old friends. I can't say it was a bad NYE, per se. And since I haven't had a good one in about 7 year, I really have no room to complain here.

I did,however, enjoy partying in my backyard at 3 a.m while my cousin Jeremy and I wore Red Sox jerseys and sprayed champaign all over each other while yelling "WORLD SERIES BABY! WE DID IT!"

I would have done this in October directly after the actual World Series, but since the Sox beat my real team (the Cards) I promised myself I'd hold off on any celebration.

N.Y.E. Seemed like as good of time as any to celebrate.

I started thinking about last November's presidential elections today and I remember hearing Sean Combs (a.k.a. Puff Daddy, a.ka. P. Diddy, a.k.a the worst black dancer ever) threatening every American to "Vote or Die" (Actual quote.)

So how many non voters has Puff Daddy killed since November?


That's how many.

Talk about a flip-flop.

This dawned on me today when I remembered that my roomate Andy did not actually vote. He was "too busy with work", supposedly. (He was voting for Bush anyway, so it doesnt really matter.)

Anyhoo, the day of the election, Andy came home from work and I asked him if he had voted; he answered "no."

I immediatly feared for his life. "P.Diddy's gonna kill yo white ass," I told him.

His response: "I made my bed. I'll lay in it."

So, since that day, we've been waiting for P. Diddy to show up at the house and shoot Andy. He said he would.
Now follow through, Diddy.

(The Chapelle reference at the title of this post is because I am convinced that P.Diddy stalking across America, killing non-voters while saying "I said 'Vote or Die'...I told ya it was a-coming bitch...I thought I told you we won't stop...I said I told ya we won't stop!" Would be the funniest skit ever.)

But, I digress. I'll move on to the stupid notion of "New Years Resolutions."

Three reasons why New Years Resolutions Suck:

1)They never end up working out (way to lose those fifteen pounds, fat ass)

2)They always stink ("I'll be more sensitve of other cultures." Why?)

3)There is normally no way to tangibally measure them (Ex. "Be nicer?" What the fuck is that?)

So, in responses to crappy resolutions world-wide, I declare, that by the end of the year 2005:

I will meet Burt Reynolds.

It will neither better nor worsen me as a person. But, if by Dec 31, 2005, I do not have a picture of me and Burt Reynold shaking hands, my year will have been a disapointmnet.

I don't care if I cure the clap, me without Burt Reynolds in '05 means my year sucked.

Happy ought-five players.

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