Musing on Inner-Monologues

It has long been known that when someone hears their own voice, it rarely (if ever) sounds to them the way that they think they sound. I, for example, think I have a perfectly fine voice. But, in reality, I sound like some sort of Muppet whose voice-box has been altered to make him sound even stupider (is that a word? stupider?)

So, I am proposing a theory: We think we sound like what we hear in our heads, our inner-monologue, if you will. I am pretty sure that everyone's sounds different (except for deaf people. I'm not sure if they have inner-monologues or not, or what they sound like and this is a question which has kept me awake many a nights...Also coke...That also kept me awake those nights. But I digress.)

It dawned on me the other day just whose voice my inner monologue was and I was none to pleased. Trey from Phish is the guy narrating my life. Now, I have nothing against Trey. He's a decent guy and I've seen him play more times than I can remember (you know, because of the drugs.) But I was really hoping for a cooler voice than Trey's.

So now I intend to undergo some sort of therapy and get a new inner-monologue voice and I've narrowed it down to these choices:

1) Mike Shannon
Voice of the Saint Louis Cardinals and hands down my favorite voice of all time, but I'm not too sure I'd be able to function like a normal person with thoughts like "He ran to second faster than a cat in Chinatown" or "He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!" going through my head all day.

(FYI... This place contains some of Shannon's greatest hits)

2) Harold Reynolds
God, I love it when black guys sound whiter than me. Now, I'm not willing to go all the way to a Tony Gwynn sounding white, so I think Harold will do just fine. Plus every now and then John Kruk's voice would show up to argue against my thoughts (and probably eat a few sandwiches, too. God he's fat.)

3) Daniel Stern
After narrating The Wonder Years, Stern is probably the inner-monologue dujour for many kids my age. It really does seem like we grew up with his voice in the background. Some sort of law should be passed to make it illegal if anyone other than Stern or Tom Guiry (the dude that narrated The Sandlot) narrate a film

4) Todd Wright
Host of ESPN Radio's late night show, All Night w/ Todd Wright, I've been sleeping to the sound of his voice for years, so I think that would be an easy adjustment for me.

5) Will Ferrell's imitation of Harey Carey
"It's a simple question...Would you eat the moon if it were made of BBQ spare ribs? I know I would...And I'd wash it all down with a tall cold Budweiser."

Let me know if you have any recomondations...Anyway, that's all for now. I've got a hot weekend to prepare for.


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