5/26/2005

 

It's Not You, It's Me

First and foremost, I'd like to apologize for my extended absence. My prolonged hiatus was contributed to a few unfortunate and unmitigated circumstances, upon which I will now reflect.

My sister recently informed me that there is a program at Busch Stadium which allows anyone with a military ID to get a Standing Room Only pass for free. Yes, that's right, I can now go to any Cardinals game I wish to for free and sit wherever someone isn't a sittin'. BOO-YAH! (Do people still say that? God, I'm lame.) So, needless to say, I don't have as much free time to write absolute and complete fucking nonsense into some stupid blog. Bitches.

Also, the professor in my Econ class looks a hell of a lot like Philip Seymore Hoffman. And if you can't see how that would be disturbing, than you're "an idiot...a fucking idiot" and "that's marvelous."

Finally, please read this story before reading the rest of my post.

As you may or may not know, my New Years Resolution was to meet Burt Reynolds
something, which, I can proudly say, I was quite committed to.

But now, fearing for my own safety, I have reluctantly called off my search for Burt Reynolds. It is now obvious that not only has he been avoiding me for six months now, but that he has grown testy from his years and months of hiding from his various stalkers. In some sort of weird twist straight out of "The Running Man", I think he might have now begun hunting me and the others who search out for The Colonel. Ryan Meismer of Chicago, Il: consider yourself warned.

"So, what's my new resolution," you ask?

"Well, thank you for asking. Your manners are on par with those of the finest Southern Gentlemen or Belle, depending upon your gender, which I can not see at this time as we are communicating through what is known as 'The Internet'... a complex system of servers, routers, wires, and computers, which allows virtual anonymity for it's users," I respond.

Let's just say that the new resolution starts with an "upper" and ends with a "deck." And if you think I talking about a baseball stadium, then just keep thinking that and don't worry about what that smell is.

America, consider yourselves warned.

Comments:
you are a nasty individual. I swear I have a picture of an upper decker that I left in a bar in Baltimore. Mooney wants you to call him.
 
upper-decker - taking a dump (aka crap aka Number 2) in the "tank" portion of a toilet, thereby causing a major malfunction of the bowl cleaning process. Why would one do such a horrid thing? Well, this a question for the ages. But in most cases, a party has gone horribly bad, the host/hostess is yelling at people for not using coasters and someone just yelled "We're Outta Beer!" The drunk guy (every party has one) gets pissed and leaves an upper-decker as a personalized "Thanks for the Party and here's what I think of your coasters!"
 
Sanchez is a fucking cuntrag! He is an upper decker, and he could rot in hell for all I care. Al, call Mooney, he wants to talk to you! Damn!
 
Are you Deep Throat.
 
Deep Throat THIS!!!! It's Grooms!
 
Who the devil is grooms?
 
James `Stinky Cock' Mayes
 
Fernando 'Red Piss' Reyes is the name, pissing blood is the game!
 
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