9/01/2005
"I Can Turn Invisible If I Really Try Hard!" (Quick Thoughts on Life, Love and a Black Keyboard Player)
"So I gave this seagull a french fry, but as it turns out...he wanted my Whopper. I didn't know how badly he wanted it until it was too late."- My buddy Boley, circa 2002, explaining a large cut on his forehead.
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Cingular keeps pressuring me to change my opinion on this one, but chances are high that I will never get sick of hearing "The Weight" by The Band.
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How to lose a high paying and well respected job, part I.
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To anyone who may be reading this in Alaska:
I used to support you. I did. I wanted you to keep your pristine wildlife. And, if things were different, I probably still would. But things are different.
And your wildlife has got to go.
So, if you're up there reading this...I will give you $20 (American) if you put an oil derrick in your backyard and personally send me just 1 barrel of oil a week.
Twenty bucks! It could all be yours.
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Okay, I'll admit it...I don't necessarily hate karaoke.
In fact, if you preface every single song you sing by saying "This next song I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection," I down right love karaoke.
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My buddy Boley, on a 12 year old boy who had just walked by him, "I wonder what he's like in the sack."
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Why isn't the word "looms" ever used in a positive context? As in: "Tonight, me lady...fish tacos and white wine looms in the distance."
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Yes, I am the same person who once sat on the USS Ashland as it went across the Atlantic Ocean crabby, cranky, and scared of pirates, but after looking at the data, it's official:
We need more pirates.
And this is coming from a man who once sat in a chow hall on a Navy boat and figured that a memorial sword kept in a case of glass was missing a sign which read "In Case of Pirates, Break Glass."
God, I despise pirates. Although, that may just be all of the Lariam talking.
___________________________________
How to lose a high paying and well respected job, part II.
___________________________________
Am I the only one who thinks that Tony LaRussa should let Scott Seabol bat more?
Twenty more poor AB's ending in a strikeout by Mr. Seabol will probably cause Cardinals Hitting Coach Hal McRae to once again strip down to his underwear, toss a few ash-trays around the clubhouse, and yell "There! Now put that in your fucking pipes and smoke it!"
Lets make this happen.
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If there is a more addicting TV show than Pimp My Ride, I haven't seen it.
__________________________________
Now, I really like college football.
Granted, it's got it's downsides: Corrupt programs, an asinine polling system, and no playoffs.
But if you can look past all of that, it now has what everyone wants, but nobody else can get:
Nick Lachey.
__________________________________
Happy Labor Day Weekend, everyone. While you're out at the BBQ's this weekend drinking, carousing, and raising hell...try to remember what this weekend is all about:
That our countries unions were once so strong that they were able to pressure the Federal Government into creating a holiday at the end of the summer so that they would be able to go to BBQ's, drink, carouse, and raise hell!
And try to keep everyone down south in your thoughts...if you have access to the Internet right now, it's obvious that your life could be a helluva lot worse.
Cheers.
__________________________________
Cingular keeps pressuring me to change my opinion on this one, but chances are high that I will never get sick of hearing "The Weight" by The Band.
__________________________________
How to lose a high paying and well respected job, part I.
__________________________________
To anyone who may be reading this in Alaska:
I used to support you. I did. I wanted you to keep your pristine wildlife. And, if things were different, I probably still would. But things are different.
And your wildlife has got to go.
So, if you're up there reading this...I will give you $20 (American) if you put an oil derrick in your backyard and personally send me just 1 barrel of oil a week.
Twenty bucks! It could all be yours.
___________________________________
Okay, I'll admit it...I don't necessarily hate karaoke.
In fact, if you preface every single song you sing by saying "This next song I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection," I down right love karaoke.
___________________________________
My buddy Boley, on a 12 year old boy who had just walked by him, "I wonder what he's like in the sack."
___________________________________
Why isn't the word "looms" ever used in a positive context? As in: "Tonight, me lady...fish tacos and white wine looms in the distance."
___________________________________
Yes, I am the same person who once sat on the USS Ashland as it went across the Atlantic Ocean crabby, cranky, and scared of pirates, but after looking at the data, it's official:
We need more pirates.
And this is coming from a man who once sat in a chow hall on a Navy boat and figured that a memorial sword kept in a case of glass was missing a sign which read "In Case of Pirates, Break Glass."
God, I despise pirates. Although, that may just be all of the Lariam talking.
___________________________________
How to lose a high paying and well respected job, part II.
___________________________________
Am I the only one who thinks that Tony LaRussa should let Scott Seabol bat more?
Twenty more poor AB's ending in a strikeout by Mr. Seabol will probably cause Cardinals Hitting Coach Hal McRae to once again strip down to his underwear, toss a few ash-trays around the clubhouse, and yell "There! Now put that in your fucking pipes and smoke it!"
Lets make this happen.
__________________________________
If there is a more addicting TV show than Pimp My Ride, I haven't seen it.
__________________________________
Now, I really like college football.
Granted, it's got it's downsides: Corrupt programs, an asinine polling system, and no playoffs.
But if you can look past all of that, it now has what everyone wants, but nobody else can get:
Nick Lachey.
__________________________________
Happy Labor Day Weekend, everyone. While you're out at the BBQ's this weekend drinking, carousing, and raising hell...try to remember what this weekend is all about:
That our countries unions were once so strong that they were able to pressure the Federal Government into creating a holiday at the end of the summer so that they would be able to go to BBQ's, drink, carouse, and raise hell!
And try to keep everyone down south in your thoughts...if you have access to the Internet right now, it's obvious that your life could be a helluva lot worse.
Cheers.
Comments:
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So, if I'm mentally unstable and can tell a stationary front from an occluded front, I can be employed by the World's News Leader? Neato.
Aside: I'm a Tiger fan through and through (unfortunately), but the love that St. Louis shows for its Cardinals is nothing short of amazing. Treat my fellow Canook well as he ages out there in right field, alright?
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Aside: I'm a Tiger fan through and through (unfortunately), but the love that St. Louis shows for its Cardinals is nothing short of amazing. Treat my fellow Canook well as he ages out there in right field, alright?
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