The FYC

I love Busch Stadium. The sights. The sounds. The smells (well, not so much the smells. That food court behind the bleachers reeks of vomit and hot dogs.) But what I love most about going to Cardinals games is the people. My people. And their jerseys.

From youngsters in baby Pujols jerseys, to ironic hipster 20-somethings wearing their vintage Andy Benes t-shirts, to dolled up teeny boppers wearing their pink jerseys, to 80 year old ladies pulling out their Stan the Man #6's, nearly everyone who is there is sporting a Cards jersey.

Granted, the majority of them are #'s 5, 15, 27, or 33 (Pujols, Edmonds, Rolen, and Walker) and Brock, Gibson, Ozzie, Willie, and Musial get a lot of love with the throwbacks, but there are always some random shirts being worn out there.

The following are the randoms that I have seen over this season, and my thoughts on whether or not the people wearing them need new shirts.

#28 - Pedro Guerrero - I almost respect this jersey. Pedey came up with the Dodgers and was an absolute prodigy. Four All Star Game appearances and a World Series MVP out in L.A. In 1988 he was traded to the Cardinals for John Tudor.

Not knowing that he was filling such a wide hole in the Cardinals organization at first base, Pedey was surprised by the pressure at his new job. He made the All Star team in 1989, but his production began to go down hill. Not horrible, per se, but not the All Star that he once was. Then the injuries started piling up. By the end of 1992, he was out of baseball.

A once promising career cut short by injuries. Not necessarily a bad career, but you have to think that he should have done better. Then he found something to make him feel better about himself: Cocaine.

Then he got in trouble. But he got out of it because people like him (and because he has an IQ of 70.) Then he did coke with OJ Simpson's girlfriend.

Nowadays, no respectable person should be wearing a Pedey Guerrero jersey. Get a new shirt, pal.

#44 - Cris Carpenter - No, not future Cy Young Award Winner Chris Carpenter. He wears #29. #44 was Cris Carpenter the First. A first round draft pick out of the University of Georgia, he had a mildly successful but unremarkable career. The guy who was wearing his jersey may have been very confused by what year it was. Or he might just have a great jersey and a good sense of humor. Verdict: Nice Shirt!

#10 - Rex Hudler - I know for a fact that I'm in the minority here, but I really wasn't a huge fan of "Hurricane" Hudler. Yeah, he hustled, but so did Stubby Clapp and Luis Alicia. And neither of them were any good. If you're hell bent on supporting small white guys who love to hustle, I'd rather see you in a Joe McEwing #47. But just so I don't get lynched by every Rex "Wonder Dog" Hudler (yeah, he's got two nicknames...I don't care for that, either) in Saint Louis, which is basically every fucking person in Saint Louis, I'll go ahead and say it: Top notch top, governor!

#7 - JD Drew - There is no excuse for wearing this shirt.

A quick JD Drew story: An ex-girlfriend and I went to a Cardinals game two years back. She wanted to get a Cards t-shirt jersey before the game, so we went on over to the Cardinals Clubhouse. She was looking around for a little while before she grabbed a #7 Drew.

I immediately told her "You can't get that one. He's a giant pussy."

Instantly, a female employee of the store who had not yet seen the jersey in question popped out from around the corner and said, "Who? Drew? Yeah, you shouldn't get that. Huge pussy."

Truer words, Ms. Employee. Truer words. Verdict: Get a new shirt before your body gets confused about who you are and accidentally gives you a leg injury.

#5 - Ron Gant - Besides Mark McGwire, Ron Gant is probably the former Cardinal most easily identifiable as a steroid user. Remember that dude's pipes? Yeah, he wasn't juicing. Psyche.

Anyway, a shit load of people still wear the #25 McGwire to the ballpark, so why shouldn't we allow a Ron "Pipes" Gant in there as well? Love the shirt, pal. Now go do some curls and make your hero proud.

#18 - Mike Shannon - You, sir, are an awesome man. You're strong, smart, and really have a way with the ladies. You finally got it: The perfect jersey. Someone should give this man $1,000,000 and a blowjob because his shirt is just that cool. Also, this is my shirt.

#23 - Bernard Gilkey - Good god, that early 90's Cardinals outfield had some serious potential. Two sport star Brain Jordan, a Ray Lankford who wasn't 270 pounds and actually hustled, and Bernard Gilkey. When he came up, Gilkey looked like he would bat right around .300 every year. In 1995 he was traded to the Mets for three people who might as well be made up (their names are Erik Hiljus, Eric Ludwick, and Yudith Orozio. Seriously.) He had one good year in New York before being bit by that damn injury bug time and time again. Damn bug.

Little known fact: Gilkey was signed as a free agent by the Cardinals in 2001, but was cut during Spring Training. That signing went along with Walt Jocketty's plan to have an old outfielder on every team, hoping that Gilkey would join the likes of Eric Davis, Shawon Dunston, Bobby Bonilla, Greg Vaughn, and Fat Ray Lankford.

Although he was one of my favorite players as a adolescent, I think the only way you can wear a Gilkey jersey is if you love disappointment. Verdict: Get a new shirt (I recommend a Cesar Cedeno, circa 1985.)
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Remember, folks, there are a lot of jersey's out there. Some good, some bad. Some generic, some original (I saw a Dizzy Dean jersey at a game last weekend, which I thought was kind of cool.) I'm sure I've missed some beauties from around Busch this season, but I was busy drinking beer and watching baseball. So suck it.

If you own a jersey which I have made fun of, I suggest you paraphrase Will Smith and say, "I go to Busch for baseball, not for a fashion show."

Unless you still own a JD Drew jersey. Then you need to go ahead and punch yourself in the groin.