A Prelude To A Trip

I'll be perfectly honest with you: I've got nothing.

I have no idea what's going on in the world right now.

Australia invading Iceland? I wouldn't have noticed.

President James K. Polk has risen from the dead and gained control of the majority of the eastern seaboard? Huh...how about that?

The Packers have signed me as their new head coach? Whoopty-freaking-do.

How has it come to this? How has Al Fritz, admitted news junkie and info hound turned a deaf ear to all of the worlds happenings?


Five days from right now, I will be sitting on the sunny beaches of Tulum, Mexico with a Mojito in my hand and a pound of sushi in my belly. And it's all I can freaking think about.

On Wednesday, myself and nine of my closest friends will be flying into Cancun International Airport and taking a ride down the Yucatan peninsula, destination: Paradise.

Six days and five nights on the Riviera Maya, all inclusive. Thursday night, two from our group are getting married on the beach. The rest of the time there...it's all play.

Since the majority of my friends put up a front that they are decent, upstanding individuals in order to gain and keep employment, I'm not going to use any real names describing our tales on this here slice of the Internet. However, since in real life we are all a bunch of idiots, tales will indeed need to be told. So, code names are in order.

If you personally know me or any of my friends, these won't be hard to figure out. But, hopefully the man won't be able to get them.

Here's the cast:

Zeus - Real Estate Mogul.
Smells like hummus.
Likeys the ladies.
Will be richer than God someday.

Cookman - Salesman/Aspiring Actor
Gyrates incessantly
May or may not be Mr Arnold from "The Wonder Years"
Peoria Area All-Metro Offensive Line, 1997.

The Double J - Tall, leggy blonde.
Can drink me under the table.
Engaged to Cookman.

Chad Sexington - Master baiter.
May or may not be my cousin.
Tans in the nude.

Dennis Quaid - Loan jockey.
Has swimsuit reading "Suck My Wake" on it's ass.
At six years old, he took karate lessons. Quit when the Sensei would not let him go pee.
Looks frighteningly like Dennis Quaid.

Willie Tripod - Biggest dick in three counties.

Played Lacrosse in college.


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"I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize the state of Missouri."