Will Clark, Let's Hang Out

Dear Will Clark,

I heard that you're in town this weekend to attend the Cardinal's annual Winter Warmup down at the Millennium Hotel (are we still celebrating the new millennium? Really? C'mon people...You're better than that.)

Since I don't feel like paying three figures for Larry Effing Bigbie's autograph, and because I'm not 12 years old, I will not be attending the Winter Warmup. More caring, I'm sure you could not be.

However, I don't think that me NOT attending the Warmup should keep us from getting together.

I have been a big fan of yours for years. I've still got your rookie cards (both the 1986 Donruss "The Rookies" version, and the classic 1987 Topps) and I even owned a San Francisco Giants hat during the early 1990's.

When you came over to the Cardinals in 2000, I'm not sure if you are able to comprehend the level of excitement which I felt, but I would imagine it equates roughly to the same feeling you felt the first time you drank a Busch beer and/or masturbated (or maybe the first time you did both at the same time.)

Like heaven, Will Clark. Fucking heaven.

So, here's my proposal for you, Will Clark: Fuck the Winter Warmup! Lets have a hang, Will Clark!
Those little kids running around don't give two shits about you. I do, Will Clark.

I was there for your first playoff game wearing the Birds on the Bat in Saint Louis.
I was there when you hit that jack off of Tom Glavine in game two of the 2000 NLDS.
I was there when you announced your retirement (and for that last one, by "I was there," I mean: I was in North Carolina and one of my friends e-mailed me a few days after it happened.)

The point is, Will, I've been there for you. Now, I need you to be there for me.

So if you're reading this, Will Clark (and I know you are) shoot me an e-mail. Let me know what you're doing Saturday afternoon (besides the stupid Winter Warmup.) I'll give you directions to my place, we can drink some beer, maybe a whiskey or two, eat some chili, and watch football with the guys.

Come on, Will Clark.

For old times sake.

See you Saturday!
Alex Fritz

PS. Bring some chips, please, Will Clark. Please!

"I'll be there, Al. I'm Will Clark!"

No, I'm Will Clark!
I gotta say, Will Clark and John Olerud had two of the friggin' sweetest-looking swings you'll ever see. Seemingly effortless.
If there really was a god, Will Clark would answer this post.
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