Peoria, IL...Kind of Dangerous, Actually

I've never been one to make light of head wounds (well, except for "Massive Head Wound Harry." That always made me happy.) but two notes in Peoria's paper of record made me laugh out loud while having my morning cup of joe:

Driver injured in spat over parking space
PEORIA - A Chillicothe man reported being punched and head-butted Monday afternoon during a tussle over a parking spot at the Wal-Mart Supercenter on Allen Road.

The victim, Paul E. Kelley, told police he had his turn signal on to turn into a parking space on the south side of the store when a green vehicle pulled in instead.

As the other driver got out of his car, Kelley said he approached him to ask why he took his spot. The other driver hit him in the face and then head-butted him in the head, causing Kelley to bleed, police reports said. The suspect then drove off.

No arrests had been made in the case Tuesday night.

I mainly like the line "causing Kelley to bleed," but the incident as a whole sounds hilarious and it's something I definitely wish I could have seen from a distance.

Punching and head-butting? Over a parking space? Really? Is that necessary?


Police: Peorian struck friend with baseball bat
PEORIA - After keeping his anger in check since December, a man finally lost it Monday night over the fact that a friend had sex with his girlfriend and hit the friend with a baseball bat, police said.

Melvin E. Jenkins, 25, of 2028 W. Forrest Hill Ave. was arrested about 8:40 p.m. Monday at his residence and booked on a charge of aggravated battery with a baseball bat.

Earlier that evening, during a dice game at an apartment at Villa Bordeaux, 5250 N. Knoxville Ave., Jenkins attacked Carlos F. Beck, 32, of 1908 N. North St., reports said.

Jenkins allegedly struck Beck in the head with an aluminum bat because of his past relationship with his girlfriend. Beck suffered a cut to his head.

"He shouldn't have disrespected me like that," Jenkins told police.

"He shouldn't have disrespected me like that." Yeah, that should hold up in court.

Peoria, IL: Whole lot of head wounds.

[Update - Quote from Johnny Dangerously: "I've been in that dice game before and let me tell you it gets rough. You also don't want to bone Melv-Dog's bitch. He gets pissed."]

Let's focus on what is really important here......"Earlier that eveving, at a dice game...."

A dice game? dice?

I wonder if Ashy Larry was there.
Oh my friend...the best part had to be the "Wal-mart Supercenter" on Allen Road. I love that they had to describe which Supercenter meaning there is more than one! That made me laugh out loud!
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