Weekend Advice: Getting Your Goose On

The days are getting shorter, baseball fans are talking magic numbers, the Malibu Sands has closed up shop after another unforgetable (and sexy!) summer, and the air is just right for drinking.* Yes, kids, fall has fallen (or something like that). It’s time to make the donuts and dish out some helpful advice.

"What's the best way to take advantage of this glorious season, Mr. Fritz?"

Thank you for asking. It would behoove you to sleep in a little late on Saturday, maybe go down to the park and have a catch, swing by the deli and grab a sandi, and then get your asses back home and on the couch for an afternoon of college football. Its #19 Penn State at #4 Notre Dame at 2:30cdt and #1 Ohio State at #2 Texas at 7:30cdt.

And, if I may I be so bold, I would suggest a menu of chili, Bloodys, beer, and a round of good times on the house.

"Provocative. Who do you think will win those two matches?"

Well, as I told my buddy Sammy (who is the only Penn State fan I know, which seems kind of odd. Further investigation into this is possible), Joe Paterno will probably have a stroke as soon as he sees how handsome Brady Quinn is. So I'm going with the Catholics in that one.

And I'm going to have to lean towards Texas is the latter match up. My buddy Will called me last night from the Capital of Weird (also known as Austin, TX) to give me an Austin Wacko Update. Apparently, Longhorn fans have been tailgating since early Wednesday morning. For a Saturday night game.

That is something that I can respect the damn hell out of. And I don’t want those drunk, bloated Texans to leave the party unhappy, so I’m rooting for the ‘Horns. (note- this should be good news for any Ohio State fans who may be reading this, since whatever team I’m pulling for normally craps the bed.)

“So, ND and Texas, huh? Care to put any money on that?”

No, but The FYC's resident Venezuelan Evelio owes me 500 shoelaces from last week’s ND v. GaTech game (I bet him 500 mustard packets ND would win, he went with 500 shoelaces and GaTech), so I could transfer those over to you if you’d be willing to make a bet.

“That’s a good plan for Saturday. What about Sunday?”

If you play your cards right on Saturday, you’ll have so many Bloody Marys and Sam Adams Octoberfests in your belly that you won’t even wake up until that hot blonde with the nice rack that you met last night nudges you in the back at 3 in the afternoon because she needs a ride home. You dog, you.

“Awesome! I’m going to get laid?”

We’re all gonna get laid!**

“Sweet. What else is going on for Sunday?”

Something called the National Football League will be showing some sort of displays of athletic expositions. I am not all that familiar with it, but I’d assume that it goes well with hot chicken wings and cold frosty beers.

“What a weekend! How am I supposed to get myself out of bed on Monday to begin yet another cruel, soul crushing week in the office?"

I’d have a cup of coffee and sit down at your computer. Then you should head on over to the new and improved Joe Sports Fan and read a college football column by a certain well endowed blogger with a slight(ly large) substance abuse problem of whom you may have passing knowledge of.

“Will do! Thanks, Al!”

You got it, Internets. Have a great weekend.

*I promise that will be the only “Men at Work” reference I make this month.
**No we aren’t.

Unfortunately, i am going to be pretty useless for comments during the college football season, being as that I am fucking retarded about it.

However, I will read the newspaper and other sporting literature and regurgitate what i read as my own thoughts.

It works for the post-dispatch writers, right?
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