2006: The Bizzaro 2004 (Or: Another Long, Boring Post About Politics: Just Shut Up About it Already, Al!)

Well, then.

I was pretty damn surprised that Jim Talent actually conceded defeat to Claire McCaskill so early in the morning hours – I was convinced that this one was going to be contested, and go to recount, and be dragged on and on and on and on, like some rambling fucking blogger that doesn’t know how to end a damn sentence, even though it is clearly going nowhere and just needs to end before somebody gets hurt, damn it.

Anyway, as I drove into work this morn, votes in Kansas City had just started coming in and the votes for McCaskill began to pile up. That’s when I figured Talent’s campaign would dig their heels in and prepare for a fight. Thank God, they did not. It’s over.

But while I was thinking we had a long, drawn out battle on our hands, my mind began to drift back to 2000 and our presidential election then. I was 20 years old, living out in North Carolina, hating my job and wondering why in the hell I ever dropped out of college, when my buddies and I decided to throw an election night party. It was determined that we were to drink cheap rum until we had a new Commander in Chief (yeah, that’s right: I was underage drinking. Don’t tell anyone though. Aside from killing a hooker in Memphis and that horrible arson spree I went on while on holiday in North Yorkshire, it’s actually the only time I have ever broken the law).

Sometime around 2 am, we were all unbelievably bombed and it was becoming abundantly clear that Florida couldn’t make up their damn mind about who they wanted to win, so we called it a night. Work the next day was actually quite a treat since I was still drunk until about 3 in the afternoon and my buddy Sammy and I were thrown out of our office because we wouldn’t stop singing our kick ass a cappella version of Styx’s “Come Sail Away.” Now, I sit here drinking green tea (tea?) at 2 am, getting paid to solve some issues, and it is obvious that I am not nearly as cool as I was six years ago. This saddens me to no end.

Anyhoo, 2006 (thankfully) will not be another 2000. Nor will it be 2004. In fact, if anything, 2006 is the bizzaro 2004:

In 2004, the Cardinals steamrolled their way to 105 regular season wins only to be crushed by the Red Sox in the World Series. A week later, we had elections, and the dude and party I voted for, in an election that I really believed that they had earned if they would have won, lost.

In 2006, the Cardinals hobbled their way to a paltry 83 regular season wins, backed their way into the playoffs and then got hot and somehow won the effing World Series (although, I’m still not convinced that actually happened). A week and a half later, we had elections, and the chick and party I voted for, in what was more of the Republicans losing it then the Democrats winning it, won.

The similarities (or differences, I guess) are striking.

(Okay, maybe they're not. What the fuck ever... Just go with it.)

But even without the (drunken) drama of 2000 or the hand wringing of ’04, last night, as always with an election night, did make for some fine TV. Comedy Central’s Midterm Midtacular was as well done as I had hoped for (the last segment of The Colbert Report was one of the funniest moments I can remember ever seeing on the intelevision.) and Fox News and MSNBC were both (unintentionally) entertaining as always.

I do hope that now that the Democrats have some semblance of power in Washington, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report can be just as funny as they have been over the last few years.

Because someone’s going to have to make fun of the Democrats now that they’re the ones fucking things up.

But whether you are liberal or conservative; gay, straight, or bi-curious; white, green, or brown; smoker or non-smoker; a fetus or an old prospector; libertarian or socialist; a wino, gyno, or rhino; spooky, kooky, or Chinese: it’s important to remember that we are all winners today. There are no more campaign ads.

It’s over. Finally.

PS. I’m voting straight a Whig ticket in ’08. Or maybe Bull Moose.

go with the know-nothings, Alex
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