You know what the most boring day of the year is? Probably Thursday, Dec 14th. Just a completely average, nothing doing day. If it wasn’t for “The Office” I probably would have even labeled it a bad day. Alas, it was simply mediocre.

Anyway, I’m still gearing up for a six-month evaluation at work, tentatively scheduled for this morning. I should probably actually start gearing up for it instead of doing what I am currently doing [which is trying to find out how oysters mate (I'm still not sure -- it really sounds like a lot of stuff all has to happen at the right time, which, I guess, isn't that far off from how us humans get into each other's pants either)], but this is how I’m pretty sure it will go:

Boss: Alex, hi! Please come in. Have a seat.

Me: Hey, good morning!

Boss: Well, lets get things started…Tell me what you have been working on this month.

Me: I’m putting together a double mix cd. The first disc will have sad, whiskey drinking music. The second disc will have fun, whiskey drinking music. It will be called “Fuck./FUCK!”

Boss: I see. From the looks of it, you’ve spent most of your time shopping on Amazon.com

Me: That is correct.

Boss: And that applies to your work how, exactly?

Me: Well, it does and it doesn’t.

Boss: What?

Me: What?

Boss: Um... Tell me about any improvements you’ve made this year.

Me: Well... I started wearing tennis shoes instead of boots. I find them more comfortable.

Boss: I see. When is the last time you showered?

Me: I don’t see what that has to do with anything.

Boss: Well, you kind of, um, stink.

Me: You stink.

Boss: Well, that’s uncalled for.

Me: You’re uncalled for.

Boss: Stop it.

Me: Sorry. I'm thirsty. You got any grape soda?

Boss: No. Tell me abou—

Me: I fucking love grape soda.

Boss: Okay… Tell me about what you be---

Me: FUCK! I want a grape soda so fucking bad now. Can we take a break? I want to run down to the cafeteria. Maybe get a grape soda. You want a grape soda?

Boss: No. And quit saying grape soda. Anyhoo... I think we’re about done here... But can you tell me what you think your biggest accomplishment has been since you started here?

Me: I have not jerked off once while at work.

Boss: I see. Well, here’s a 10% raise. Have a nice weekend.

Me: You are a gentleman and a lady. I like it!

Boss: (scratches head) What the hell just happened here?

Wish me luck.

[have a great, boring weekend everybody. BOOOORING.]

[Also, I feel like I should point you towards this news worthy article from the weirdest city ever, Peoria. While I do feel bad about the female-mail-man's headache, the whole scene (at least as it plays out in my mind) sounds like the funniest damn thing ever.]

That's when you are really desperate for those rebate checks from the Black Friday sales.
That is the most hilarious mail-person threatening related article I had ever read.
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