Non-Christmas Christmas Songs Quandry

My list for "What five people, living or dead, would you most like to have some drinks with" is as follows:

1. Ted Williams
2. Dean Martin
3. Mike Shannon
4. Frank Sinatra
5. Christopher Hewett

Two fellas on the list are baseball players, two are bad ass crooners, and one is an Englishman who took America and their love of clichéd, stereotypical butlers by storm in the mid 1980's.

I share this list with you today to demonstrate something: I really like the Rat Pack.

(Also, I have way too much free time on my hands.)

(And I think my lazy eye is getting worse.)

I also have a tremendous amount of zeal towards Christmas music. So when the wallet sucker of a website known as Amazon.com suggested that I may enjoy "Christmas with the Rat Pack" I, per my usual handling with all things Amazon (which for whatever reason makes me think that I'm using monopoly money and not real cash, since I never have to take anything out of my wallet -- that and itunes may end up being the death of me) bought, sight unseen.

It arrived in the mail yesterday, and I gave it a spin while sitting beside the ol' tannenbaum. I was more than happy through the first three tracks. Cut number four, however, bothered me. As did number five.

#4 - "What Kind Of Fool Am I" by Sammy "Yes I Can, if Frank Sinatra Says it's Okay" Davis Jr.

#5 - "Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend" by Marilyn Monroe

Now, I'm not saying either are bad songs (I am actually rather Switzerland about both), but how in the hell are these Christmas songs? I could see maybe "Diamonds" --even if it does nothing but reinforce the worst aspects about Christmas (why not just ask for a Lexus with a stupid fucking bow on the top of it, you pretentious bitch?) -- but "What Kind of Fool am I?" That makes zero sense.

Here are some sample lyrics:

"What kind of man is this?
An empty shell
A lonely cell in which
An empty heart must dwell"

Yeah.... Merry Effing Christmas, right there. Really getting me into the holiday spirit, Sammy.

I realize (or at least hope) that it was probably intended to be neither a Christmas nor Chanukah song (unless I am super uninformed and Chanukah is actually a depressing holiday which deals with not being able to find a love to share your life with), but it is probably a song -- by a Rat Packer -- which reminds one of the producers of the album of the Holidays.

This is a phenomenon I can understand. Certain songs -- "Turn to Stone" by ELO, "Crystal Village" by Pete Yorn, "What is Life" by George Harrison -- remind me of Christmas, too.

But if I was producing a mass-marketed Holiday-mix CD, would I put them on the play list? No, because that would be insane. But it doesn’t mean that I still wouldn't associate said songs with the Holidays – it means that I don’t expect others to make the same association.

The root of the problem (“Non-Christmas songs on a Christmas CD? What a pickel!”) lies in the completely arbitrary fashion of it all. What is there to keep someone who thinks of Christmas whenever they hear “Easy Lover” by Phil Collins & Phillip Bailey [in my scenario, the association is made because the protagonist – we’ll call him “Steve” (because in my scenario everyone in the entire world is named Steve) -- gave his girlfriend (also named “Steve” – which was awkward when their relationship started, but they slowly warmed to it and by the time our story takes place they both greatly enjoyed sharing the same name; oblivious of course to the fact that everyone else in that entire world of theirs was also named “Steve”) a copy of Phillip “Steve” Bailey’s Chinese Wall on vinyl for Christmas in 1984 and got a killer beej from Steve (confused yet?) while sitting next to the Christmas tree and listening to the album] to put “Easy Lover” on a Christmas mix.

Where am I going with all of this? Nowhere. Fast.

And what was my point? None, really.

But I hope I just helped you waste two minutes.

If you would like to waste more time, drop a comment of below and let the whole world know about any non-holiday songs which do, in fact, remind you of the holidays. Why? Because I need a rocking ass play list for my holiday party this weekend, and I fear that if we hear "Baby Please Come Home" more than three times, people will start murdering.

And that (all the murdering) would kind of be a downer on the whole party, so help a brother out for once in your life, will ya?

I've found Jackson Browne and the holidays go well together.
Funny... I've found Jackson Browne and vomiting go hand in hand.
I have always liked Paradise City by GNR around the holidays. It was the song that Axl was singing when the clock struck midnight at the New Years concert in 1992. I still think Duff McCagan is one of the greatest bass guitar players of all time.
Baker Street by Jerry Haggerty. It was on your Christmas mix CD a few years back. Still one of my favorite songs.
Good call on the Baker St. That mix was the bees knees socks.
My bad Al, Gerry Rafferty. I suck.
Josh, Andy and I were reliving old memories of Sharpshooters for G Baby's going away. That was a strange night.
"Better Days" by the Goo Goo Dolls
I knew what you meant, E. Jon Voight/John Voight as far as I'm concerned.

Rocking "Merry Christmas from the Family" by Robert Earl Keen right now. Top notch Country-Christmas, right here.
Will we or will we not be throwing around full beer cans at your apartment?

If so, i'll have to remember to bring my padded gloves.

I've always gotten that funny holiday feeling in my pants whenever I hear Bone Thugs - Thug Luv.
"Full Beer can Pepper" is one of America's great games, but I think with TLF being around the ol' apartment that game may have to take a night off.

No need to fret... just get ready for the wildest game of Drinko that the west of the Mighty Mississippi has ever witnessed.

Also, lots of Bone Thugs. Way too much, really.

E 1999 Eternal.
I'm not sure who suggested the Googs, but I think you should probably stop readin reading my blog.
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