Where's My Stapler?

Peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. I don't understand that. I mean, I'm lazy but I'd like to meet the guy that needs that. This guy must be thinking, "I could go for a sandwich, but I'm not gonna open TWO jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars and cleaning WHO KNOWS how many knives." – Brian Regan.

I thought of this when I saw that the iPhone was launched yesterday.

Typical consumer: “It’s reeeeeally tough carrying around both an iPod and a phone at the same time. That 0.55 ounces is really weighing me down. Oh, if only there was a way to rid myself of this weighty burden. In fact, I would be willing to pay up to $600 and switch cell phone providers to alleviate myself of all this extra weight!”

Needless to say, I thought it was the epitome of a pointless product. Then I got an e-mail from my buddy Nate, who closed his note by saying “buy me an iphone I want it.”

First of all, “No.” Secondly, I wondered to myself, why would he want that? That’s when I remembered he lives in Chicago and relies on mass-transit to get around. And I guess I can see the functionality in only having to worry about losing one device during your commute instead of two.

But here in St. Louis, we have cars to get us from point “A” to point “B” during our day so we don’t have to worry about having some stinky hobo in a 1992 Charlotte Hornets Starter Jacket swipe our iPod out of our pocket while we’re on our way to work. Which is actually something that I’m getting very sick of (um, the driving in cars part, not the thieving hobos part). As much as I love this city, I have two complaints: 1) The arch is stupid, and 2) the public transportation in this town is abysmal.

I will use myself as an example here:

I live in what is considered by many (read: me) the exact center of the city of St. Louis. I work a few miles outside of the city, but at a campus which employs around 10,000 people. Now, in my mind, if we had a decent public transportation system, I think that both of these places would make ideal candidates for stops. But what would I have to do if I wanted to use our metrolink to go to work? I would have to walk about a mile and a half to the nearest stop by my house, and then walk about five miles once I got to the closest stop by my office.

Sure, I could take a “bus.” But you know who else takes the bus? Losers and lesbians.

In conclusion, I hate the metrolink and I’m not buying you an iPhone, Nate.

Sweet fuck I’m bitter today. (Somebody stole my stapler from my office yesterday. And of course today was the first time in months I actually needed to use my stapler. And yes, it's a swingline.) Here’s some Steely Dan to help us all (again, read: me) cool out:


So, was this you this morning?
That's some mighty fine Dan. I've actually been mildly obsessed with Aja lately, so this scratched me right where I itched.
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"I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize the state of Missouri."