Indians, Asians < Suggestive Innuendo

My company’s campus has three different cafeterias. Like most cafeterias, they have suggestion boxen. Once a month the management of the company which runs the cafeterias sends out an e-mail which features all of the suggestions, along with a note from the cafeteria management saying (in kinder words) "Go fuck yourself. You’ll eat what we put out there and you’ll pay what we charge. Don’t like it? Go waste half an hour of your lunch hour just walking to your car in the parking lot and eat elsewheres."

These "suggestion e-mails" generally please me, as I like it when companies don't care about their customers and have no bones in saying so. Then yesterday’s came in. About the third suggestion on the page:

"Can we have Indian or Asian food in the menu sometimes or once a week?"

While I would have gone with a “May we…” instead of “Can…”, sure, not a bad idea. A few ideas later:

"Serve more Asian food for folks of Indian descent."

A popular idea! Later on:

"Loved Asian Salad!! Would like to see again. How about Indian?"

Hmmm... And again:

"May I suggest adding more options of Asian food, specially (sic) Indian food, which I am sure, will add spice to our current menu? And we can get so many ideas and options from Indian food."

What the hell? Still more:

"As I see here, a lot of Indians work and you guys serve Asian food also in a while, but it would be really great if you can manage to add some Indian food here. In that case I'm sure Indian guys won't bring food from home they will take from you only."

Alright... here’s what I think happened. Someone decided to see how many times they could get the words "Asian" and "Indian" published into this e-mail. Of the 7,000 or so folks who received this e-mail, I am going out on a limb and saying I’m the only one who noticed it. But it cracked me the hell up.

And I’ve decided to ramp it up a notch. I’m switching it from casual racism to soft core. I’m going to try to get as many sexually suggestive words into the e-mail as possible. So far, I’m going to go with: Plump, steamy, hot, moist, juicy, and (maybe) labia. If you have any other suggestions, as always, drop them off below, and I’ll get back to you next month with the results. Either hilariousness will ensue (with sexy results!) or I’ll be fired.

(I don’t feel like working this summer, anyway.)

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John Stamos
intentionally put a space in the middle of "sir-loins"
If I can get a John Stamos in there, it will be the highlight of my life.

And my Chad Sexington wants me to try beef curtains.
Tossed Salad!
Hot Italian Sausage!
Firm Melons.
Fish Tacos.
Thats right off the top of the head.
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