Cartoons, Jury Duty, Cardinals

A quick programming note: Weekend cartoons will be getting run up over on the Joe Sports Fan for the foreseeable future, be them either in The Absurd Times or just a Sunday Funnies.


Jury Duty Week came and went with all the luster one would expect. While I had been hoping to watch a judge perform magic tricks, see a tall bald bailiff slap his own head, and be witness to John Larroquette lustfully hit on women, all I really saw was a bunch of ugly people (although John Larroquette was there hitting on chicks. Weird).

I knew I wouldn't get picked for a jury -- the defense wouldn't want me since I'm related to two cops and did a stint as a terrible military cop, and the state wouldn't want me since I have a criminal record and wouldn't convict a guy just for possession of marijuana -- but was looking forward to a week of non-third shift and getting some reading done. Which is exactly what I got. Booooooring.


The Lady Friend and I went down to Busch for Sunday night's Cards-'Stro's match. We hung out in the Casino Queen Party Porch and downed some Boulevard Wheat's before heading up to our seats about half an hour before first pitch. Apparently, Sunday's game was free popsicle night and our seats and the ground below us were covered in red, sugary goodness from the fucking little brats sitting directly behind us. Fantastic.

Luckily, one of TLF's friends wasn't able to make it to the game and we used her seats, located annoyingly close to sign guy. Other than that common street whore, it was a fine game all around and one of the better Cards match we caught this season. I got to give a standing ovation to future Intercontinental Champion Hall of Famer Craig Biggio, Pujols continued to own Lidge, and Ankiel had a walk off triple (those have got to be rare). The 80-something year old lady who tapped me on the shoulder to give me one of the weakest high fives ever capped the night off well. (Well, a bottle of wine and Superbad actually capped the night off; it did it well, too. Whatever.)

And while the game -- and the pregame tribute to Mike Shannon (Bob Uecker's tribute to Mike's coaching legacy with the Denver Broncos was pretty funny) -- were both winners, I believe the real winners Sunday night were us, the fans: No longer do we have to waste our money on sticky seats and crappy beer to watch the likes of Kip Wells, nice-guy-bad-pitcher Mike Maroth, or The Strangest Looking Man Ever give up 27 runs a game.

Heading into the offseason, I want the cards to do two things:

1) Trade for Edgar Renteria. Our sweet little Columbian has been gone for too long.
2) Acquire two of the following three pitchers: AJ Burnett, Cliff Lee, or Livan Hernadez.

Trading for a right handed outfield bat wouldn't hurt, either and I'd love to see Brian Barden get a chance to be the backup infielder (along with concentration camp survivor Brendan Ryan), replacing Aaron Fucking Miles. Actually, I'd love to see the fat kid from Salute Your Shorts on the Cards if it means no more Miles.

Ideally my lineup would be:

Duncan (or possible RH OFer)
Kennedy (gack!)

w/ Ludwick, Spiezio, Ryan, Barden (or the Hoff), Terrible Backup Catcher #9, and Schumaker filling out the bench and Rasmus coming up from AAA when Edmonds goes on the DL with over-lined eyelashes in July.

and a rotation of:


(I'm not banking on Mark Mulder ever throwing a baseball well again and I don't think Reyes will be here next year, but I think Thompson and I can hold down the fort until Carpenter comes back. If, in fact, Mulder/Thompson/Reyes/Me are pitching well when Carp does come back, then have Carp take Loopers spot and send Looper back to the pen before his arm falls off in a unicycle accident.)

And a bullpen filled out by the normal scrubs.

That team, I think, wouldn't exactly run away with the NL Central in 2008. But they also wouldn't give up double digit runs in twenty fucking different games and would be sniffing both the Central leader and the Wild Card.

That is, of course, if the whole team doesn't die in a plane crash this week, which the way the seaon has gone, seems probable if not possible.

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Coming in for the double-switch, batting ninth and playing 2nd base, number 69, Donkey Lips!!
So which do you think is better, Superbad or Knocked Up?
I am legitimately upset at myself that I couldn't remember Donkey Lips' name.

I haven't seen Knocked Up yet (I've got it slotted in for this Sunday evening, actually), but if it's anywhere close to as funny as Superbad, I'll be pleased. I'm a real sucker for dick jokes.
People are looking at me funny because i'm laughing out loud reading ur article in my bioethics class. Edmonds on the dl for overlined eyelashes? Brilliant.
I thought your position was bullpen catcher, not 5th starter.
At this point in the season, I think our bullpen catcher actually could be our fifth starter.
Good stuff, as usual, but I have one major complaint. I don't want to
see Edgar come back. Don't get me wrong, I loved the guy, and he was
possibly my favorite player, but he left for money, and now he has to
live with that. I say we re-sign Eckstein to a 2-3 year deal. Has
anybody noticed he's setting a career high in BA this year? Besides,
what do we have to give in trade for Renteria?
I irrationally dislike David Eckstein (too much grit, not enough range or pop), so I'd rather he not be back. If they're not going to go after Renteria (or Tejada), I'd rather they save the money at short playing Ryan everyday and put it towards pitching.

Also, I don't think the Braves will ask for too much of the Cards farm system for Renteria -- they'd have no use for Anderson and if they can dump Edgar, they likely would have the money to resign Andruw, so probably wouldn't ask for Rasmus (who should be untouchable, anyway). Maybe Reyes and Perez?
So, anyway...

I didn't think Knocked Up was very funny... this is probably b/c I am scared shitless over the fact of raising a kid in the next few years, and cant really laugh about that. I've had too many scares to clown around about it.

I did, however, think Knocked up was a great movie. SuperBad was definitely funnier, but Knocked up was no piece of crizap.
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