11/07/2007

 

Reason #2 Why I Love Mexico: Bidets




I'm not a fan of poop. I've never had sex with a girl in her two hole, nor have I come anywhere near a tossed salad, because, well, that's where poop comes from and that's fucking disgusting. I don't enjoy pooping, and I enjoy cleaning up after pooping even less.

But while I'm in Mexico, all my worries are over. Sitting next to the toilet in every bathroom is a bidet. You do your business in the loo, give yourself a quick wipe, then hop on the old bidet and let the water do the work for you.

When my friends and I were first in Mexico, we debated about the proper way to use the bidet. I assumed that sitting on it the way one sits on a toilet was correct, while others thought you should straddle it, facing the faucets.

The main problem with the second approach is that you have to go completely bottomless to pull that off, which really isn't much of a problem unless you're in a hurry. The second problem with the face the handles approach, which I found out the hard way, is that it's very easy to lose one's balance. During my rather scientific testing of this method, I used the towel rack above the bidet to steady myself.

The towel rack quickly was ripped out of the wall. And that is how I came to find myself laying naked on a bathroom floor in Mexico, covered in a towel and a towel rack, with a poopy butt.

Anyhoo, after getting used to the bidet, it's hard to go back to the American way of wiping ones ass with toilet paper. It's quite humiliating, really. What are we, animals?

You're telling me that I've got to wipe my own ass? Let us evolve, people. Lets bring bidets to America!

But, until that glorious day arrives, I will just have to count on my yearly trips outside of the country to get the easy cleanliness that only a bidet can provide. Thanks for having them, Mexico. And thanks for cleaning my poop, bidets.

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Comments:
how lazy are you - you can't even wipe your own butt? you can use toilet paper to do it, you know. you could even get some of those wet wipes if necessary.
 
I don't want to wipe my own ass. I want something else to do it for me. I'm an American for fucksakes!
 
Weird, but this may be my favorite post.
 
I hope to conquer my fear of the bidet this year...
 
elgirl, what you fail to realize is we men are hairy beasts...and poop sticks to hair. and that is no fun. if i were ever elected to office, they would be mandated in every public restroom!
 
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