7/31/2007
Jesus Effingham Christ
I love going to my family's cabin in Indiana. It's the perfect place in the world to drink whiskey, bbq, throw some washers, listen to the Cards broadcast from their radio affiliate in historic Linton, In, and watch Mama's Family reruns till my heart is content, all things which I hold both near and dear (that Bubba will just be the death of Mama, no?!). The drive back and forth from the Lou to the lake could use some spicin' up (Directions: Get on 70, set cruise to 74mph, attach the club on the steering wheel to keep it straight, take nap, wake up after three hours, exit at Brazil.), but it does let me catch this glorious, absurd, gaudy sight which looms large over the interstate hamlet of Effingham, Illinois, like a giant looming loom machine:
Every time I see it, I can't help but to think "You know, I bet Jesus would really like that. When He comes back to surprise Liam next week, I bet He'll say 'Fuck spending the money it cost putting up that cross to build some poor people a home and buy them some food; or instead of just donating to help a charity or find a cure for cancer or some shit, nope, build a giant hideous fucking cross over some hick ass town in the middle of fucking nowhere. That will help humanity. You fucking dumb shits. Oh, and thanks for arbitrarily picking the cross to symbolize Me. I love reliving that fucking day every time I check in on you assholes. Me!'"
Jesus curses a lot.
Every time I see it, I can't help but to think "You know, I bet Jesus would really like that. When He comes back to surprise Liam next week, I bet He'll say 'Fuck spending the money it cost putting up that cross to build some poor people a home and buy them some food; or instead of just donating to help a charity or find a cure for cancer or some shit, nope, build a giant hideous fucking cross over some hick ass town in the middle of fucking nowhere. That will help humanity. You fucking dumb shits. Oh, and thanks for arbitrarily picking the cross to symbolize Me. I love reliving that fucking day every time I check in on you assholes. Me!'"
Jesus curses a lot.
Labels: 13 years of Catholic education quickly washed down the drain, Effingham, Mom Jesus Is Cussing Again, Stuff You Probably Don't Care About
Comments:
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i have enjoyed the effing-cross on many a trip to ohio/indiana...nothing makes me feel more creepily scared of christians.
they used to have a site (www.crossusa.org) that explained why they built it. veeeeeery convincing.
and apparently, there is also one in groom, tx.
they used to have a site (www.crossusa.org) that explained why they built it. veeeeeery convincing.
and apparently, there is also one in groom, tx.
I drove down to Tennessee (from Toronto) last year, and we saw no less than two of these things, plus the World's Largest Jesus statue.
(I'm not kidding, it's huge; do a Google Image search for "world's largest jesus," and it's the first one. It's just north of Cincinnati.)
(I'm not kidding, it's huge; do a Google Image search for "world's largest jesus," and it's the first one. It's just north of Cincinnati.)
I grew up in Effingham. The story is that some guy saw the big cross in Texas and thought, "What a swell idea, we should build one back home!" and sure enough, he raised some money and did it.
I often wonder how many people get freaked out by it when they're driving along heading east around that bend where the trees open up to reveal a giant glowing cross (it's lit at night IIRC) in the middle of a field.
I often wonder how many people get freaked out by it when they're driving along heading east around that bend where the trees open up to reveal a giant glowing cross (it's lit at night IIRC) in the middle of a field.
It definitely freaked the hell out of me the first time I saw it.
I wonder if somewhere, in a small town in Israel, theres a 300 foot tall star of david casting judgment over all of its citizens.
I wonder if somewhere, in a small town in Israel, theres a 300 foot tall star of david casting judgment over all of its citizens.
If I recall Effingham has a sweet flying J truck stop, outlet mall, and nike store. Add that to the cross and you have a cornicopia of entertainment.
# posted by 
: 11:25 AM
: 11:25 AM
If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to buy a large track of land along a major interstate. I will then erect a giant circle, a giant barbershop pole, and possibly a giant X. This plan will follow in the same logic as that idiot's in IL.
@Jim
I will do the same but my statue will be dedicated to Junior Spivey and Ricardo Rincon.
I will do the same but my statue will be dedicated to Junior Spivey and Ricardo Rincon.
# posted by : 8:08 AM
: 8:08 AM
I was thinking of a Sidney Ponson statue as well, but there isn't a lottery jackpot large enough to fund building a statue that enormous.
Did you ever notice that the radio stations go out in Fuckingham, too?
I've always blamed that cross.
I've always blamed that cross.
at least it's not the big scary jesus of the ozarks, with arms outstretched like he's going to take off into the sky...sheep on one side, goats on the other.
i thought jesus and his disciples performed signs, not paying big money to build them on the sides of highways. i'm a christian, and i roll my eyes at this crap, too.
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i thought jesus and his disciples performed signs, not paying big money to build them on the sides of highways. i'm a christian, and i roll my eyes at this crap, too.
# posted by : 12:05 PM
: 12:05 PM << Home
