10/17/2008
Mo Propmendments 2008
Two and a half weeks until the elections are over and I can stop thinking about politics and go back to obsessing on how the Cardinals can acquire an actual shortstop this offseason and why I can't teach my dog to talk like Brian Griffin (I can get him to talk like Gilbert Gottfried, and good god is that annoying).
I do wish there was a Senatorial election in Missouri this cycle, mainly so I could vote against Claire McCaskill for voting for the "bailout" after she said she wouldn't if it included any pork, but also because a filibuster-proof Senate (which is possible) to go along with a Democratic White House is way too much power for a group that, were they to be a baseball team, would probably be the Cubs. I mean, these guys can fuck up anything.
Anyhoo, on to the local offices:
On to the props!
[have a fantastic fall weekend, everybody. invest in chimineas!]
I do wish there was a Senatorial election in Missouri this cycle, mainly so I could vote against Claire McCaskill for voting for the "bailout" after she said she wouldn't if it included any pork, but also because a filibuster-proof Senate (which is possible) to go along with a Democratic White House is way too much power for a group that, were they to be a baseball team, would probably be the Cubs. I mean, these guys can fuck up anything.
Anyhoo, on to the local offices:
- For Lt. Governor of Missouri, which is a job that nobody knows what they do (I think it envolves driving a boat) The FYC endorses Peter Kinder (R) over Sam Page (D), because Kinder watches the History Channel and Page's favorite TV show is Scrubs. Scrubs sucks. (Yeah, Gallo, I said it.)
- For Governor of Missouri, we take the focus away from TV and head to the library to find out what kind of books these two guys which I don't like read. And with that info, the endorsement goes to: Jay Nixon (D) over Ken Hulshof (R). Why? Nixon's favorite author is Stephen Ambrose, Hulshof is a John Grisham fan. That one is a slam dunk. Also, Hulshof is annoying to spell.
On to the props!
- Proposition A would like to repeal a cap on gambling losses, which has crippled the hilarious gambling loss story industry for years, and increase the casino tax one percentile. A vote for Yes shall be wagered.
- Prop B would make it easier for the elderly to get care inside their home instead of having to move into a nursing home. You would think that after struggling through the Great Depression, WW2, the Korean War, the Civil Rights Movement, Vietnam, and the last thirty years, the old would be able to just suck it up and move into a home (my grandparents moved into a retirement home this year and it's like they're living at an all inclusive resort. Color me jealous.), but they won't. They're all "I want my dignity!" as apple sauce dribbles down their shirt and why does it smell like gold bond powder in the kitchen? Whatever, I'll vote Yes.
- Prop C would require, and I quote (hence the quotations):
"[I]nvestor-owned electric utilities to generate or purchase electricity from renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, biomass (including ethanol) and hydropower. The required renewable energy sources must equal the following percentages of retail sales:
2% by 2011
5% by 2014
10% by 2018
15% by 2021."
Initially, this seems like something I could get behind. But then I realize it's not nearly as aggressive as I would like it to be. And where the fuck is nuclear? Nice try, but No.
- Amendment 1 is the most important amendment on the ballot, obviously, because it's first. It is also first in: Retardation. Amendment one would like to make English the official language of Missouri, which would hurt half of the business done at the local Home Depot and 80% of the soccer played around St Louis. Have you ever talked to a heated up Serb? Good luck telling him to speak English. Because he can't even understand what your saying. Vote: No! Or, in Spanish: ¡No!
- I honestly don't understand Amendment 4 (Bonds? Formulas? Geography?) so I'll probably just ask the old black women that will inevitably be working at the polling place how I should vote. Verdict: Ask the black lady.
[have a fantastic fall weekend, everybody. invest in chimineas!]
Labels: I used the word because a lot, Local Politickin, Stuff You Probably Don't Care About
