9/20/2004
Military Records Released
An intern on my sub-committee informed me that Derek Scarbrough has formed a 527 group named Signals Intelligence Veterans for Truth to discredit my military service. Why? Why not. So I'll just go ahead and beat him to the punch.
Synopsis of Corporal Alexander M Fritz, USMC Service Records:
Jul 1999 - Dec 1999
Attends basic training in San Diego, CA. Meritoriously promoted to Private First Class after being voted "Most Likely To Rub People The Wrong Way While In The Military" by his drill instructors
Jan 2000 - May 2000
Attends training in Pensacola, FL. A lifetime fascination with casual sex is born.
Jun 2000 - Dec 2001
Stationed in Camp LeJeune, NC. Sets Alltime record for most time spent TAD. Studies conducted at Camp LeJeune find productivity to be at it's highest when Fritz is not present.
Jan 2002 - Apr 2002
Assigned to JTF 160, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Proceded to be intoxicated 166 hours out of every week. During the remaining two hours of every week, he worked so diligintly that he was awarded the Joint Service Achievement Medal.
May 2002 - Jul 2002
Returns to NC. Becomes very jaded and cynical. Moves to the beach.
Aug 2002
Stabs a high ranking superior. Because of his actions, he is forced to dye his hair black.
Sep 2002 - Dec 2002
Drinks an amazing amount of box wine
Jan 2003 - May 2003
Sits in the desert and hides from missiles like a little pussy
Jun 2003
Stays in a hotel in Cartagena, Spain for five days, drinking enough to kill a small Asian family. Leaves the hotel at night to instigate fights with Morocans.
Jul 2003 - Mar 2004
Sets a world record by spending 7 1/2 out of 9 months on leave. Productivity at Camp LeJeune reaches an alltime high.
Apr 2004 - Jun 2004
Is deputized as a military policeman. Makes an old lady cry.
July 2004
Honorably Discharged(!)
So there you have it. Nothing to hide in my military records. Just a lot of box wine, mix cd's, and bad haircuts.
Synopsis of Corporal Alexander M Fritz, USMC Service Records:
Jul 1999 - Dec 1999
Attends basic training in San Diego, CA. Meritoriously promoted to Private First Class after being voted "Most Likely To Rub People The Wrong Way While In The Military" by his drill instructors
Jan 2000 - May 2000
Attends training in Pensacola, FL. A lifetime fascination with casual sex is born.
Jun 2000 - Dec 2001
Stationed in Camp LeJeune, NC. Sets Alltime record for most time spent TAD. Studies conducted at Camp LeJeune find productivity to be at it's highest when Fritz is not present.
Jan 2002 - Apr 2002
Assigned to JTF 160, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Proceded to be intoxicated 166 hours out of every week. During the remaining two hours of every week, he worked so diligintly that he was awarded the Joint Service Achievement Medal.
May 2002 - Jul 2002
Returns to NC. Becomes very jaded and cynical. Moves to the beach.
Aug 2002
Stabs a high ranking superior. Because of his actions, he is forced to dye his hair black.
Sep 2002 - Dec 2002
Drinks an amazing amount of box wine
Jan 2003 - May 2003
Sits in the desert and hides from missiles like a little pussy
Jun 2003
Stays in a hotel in Cartagena, Spain for five days, drinking enough to kill a small Asian family. Leaves the hotel at night to instigate fights with Morocans.
Jul 2003 - Mar 2004
Sets a world record by spending 7 1/2 out of 9 months on leave. Productivity at Camp LeJeune reaches an alltime high.
Apr 2004 - Jun 2004
Is deputized as a military policeman. Makes an old lady cry.
July 2004
Honorably Discharged(!)
So there you have it. Nothing to hide in my military records. Just a lot of box wine, mix cd's, and bad haircuts.
9/16/2004
Mmmm....Wilco
Considering most people who read this currently reside in Mesopotamia, I apologize if any of you get pissed off because I'm doing stuff that you would like to be doing. Wait, I don't give a fuck. Fuck you, asshole, focus on your war.
Anyhoo...last night's Wilco show at the Fox Theatre in StL was tremendous. A really cool venue, a very respectful audience, and one of the greatest bands in the world. Quite a solid evening.
I'm hopping a flight to Austin, Texas tomorow to meet up with Elimidate's own William McKinney. A three day outdoor music festival in 98 degree tempatures? I smell a heat stroke. But, with a lineup like this ( http://www.aclfestival.com/schedulegrids.html) I'll take my chances.
In other news,
I am currently looking for three people:
1) Gene Harlow
2) Eli White
3) Bo Jackson
If you have any information regarding any of those three, please shoot an e-mail to alxfritz@budweiser.com
Also, the following things are cool:
1) Notre Dame Football (for the time being, at least)
2) Baseball cards
3) Excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages
4) Tacos
5) Gypsies (assuming they're on your side)
The following things are uncool:
1) Slow moving minorities
2) Ethnic cleansing
3) Weirdos
4) Care Bears (who the fuck designed those things anyway?)
5) Anything which entails responsibility
Anyhoo...last night's Wilco show at the Fox Theatre in StL was tremendous. A really cool venue, a very respectful audience, and one of the greatest bands in the world. Quite a solid evening.
I'm hopping a flight to Austin, Texas tomorow to meet up with Elimidate's own William McKinney. A three day outdoor music festival in 98 degree tempatures? I smell a heat stroke. But, with a lineup like this ( http://www.aclfestival.com/schedulegrids.html) I'll take my chances.
In other news,
I am currently looking for three people:
1) Gene Harlow
2) Eli White
3) Bo Jackson
If you have any information regarding any of those three, please shoot an e-mail to alxfritz@budweiser.com
Also, the following things are cool:
1) Notre Dame Football (for the time being, at least)
2) Baseball cards
3) Excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages
4) Tacos
5) Gypsies (assuming they're on your side)
The following things are uncool:
1) Slow moving minorities
2) Ethnic cleansing
3) Weirdos
4) Care Bears (who the fuck designed those things anyway?)
5) Anything which entails responsibility
9/09/2004
My Cup Of Tea
Eeeewww-Weee...
It's been a while since the last little post. Damn this beer swilling town...wild nights at bars, trips to the Ozarks and crazy little redneck bars, school, more school, and a 4.o gpa (so what if I've only had two quizzes, back off.)
Anyhoo...I'm taking off for a straight-up sober weekend at my grandparents lake in Indiana. I've got to get my relaxing in before next week... The Killers concert Monday, Wilco on Wednseday, and Austin City Limits Festival in Te-has over the weekend.
My favorite finding over the week was the Jay-Z/Weezer mix "The Black and Blue Album." It's on a few bit-torrent sites and it is WELL fucking worth the free download. Trust me.
It's been a while since the last little post. Damn this beer swilling town...wild nights at bars, trips to the Ozarks and crazy little redneck bars, school, more school, and a 4.o gpa (so what if I've only had two quizzes, back off.)
Anyhoo...I'm taking off for a straight-up sober weekend at my grandparents lake in Indiana. I've got to get my relaxing in before next week... The Killers concert Monday, Wilco on Wednseday, and Austin City Limits Festival in Te-has over the weekend.
My favorite finding over the week was the Jay-Z/Weezer mix "The Black and Blue Album." It's on a few bit-torrent sites and it is WELL fucking worth the free download. Trust me.
