8/30/2007
The Cucumber Saga Continues
We have a follow up!
Putting produce to bad use
By Phil Luciano
Ricky Dean got beat up pretty bad, walloped by bricks and jabbed with car keys.
But what really hurt was the cucumbers.
Dean ended up in the hospital after he was pummeled by two alleged cuke-wielding carjackers.
"It was wild," says Dean, 45, smiling while rubbing various bruises all over his body.
Early Tuesday, Dean, who lives near Northwoods Mall, was with his girlfriend, Sara Peterson, 22, who lives in Far North Peoria. About 2 a.m., they were "just driving" near Harrison Homes, he says.
With Dean in the passenger seat, Peterson was at the wheel of her souped-up '93 Ford Escort. In the 2700 block of North Trewyn Avenue, they heard two women scream, "Help!"
Peterson stopped the car. Dean stepped out, telling her to stay put while he went to talk to the women. They were standing outside a car, which apparently one of them owns, Dean says. He says he does not know the women.
Dean now thinks the pair had been looking for an easy mark.
"They were looking for somebody, I guess," he says.
He started to ask if they needed help. But they yelled at him, "Get away from your car!"
They were packing heavy ammunition: Bricks, apparently swiped from a nearby construction site. Each flung a brick at Dean, with one bashing him in the left shoulder.
Bereft of more bricks, they reached into their car and hoisted out a grocery sack. It was stuffed with cucumbers.
In recollection, Dean's eyes widen and he holds his hands about two feet apart: "The cucumbers were this big."
They rushed Dean and started pounding him with the cukes. He ducked and turned, but the women belted his back with the gargantuan gourds.
Dean, who stands about 5 feet 9 inches and weighs a robust 325 pounds, did not hit back.
"They were ladies," he says.
As the beating continued, he tried to get them off him. "I kept pushing them," he says. "(But) they were pretty big women."
They then noticed Peterson had stepped out of the car. An attacker dashed over, grabbed the keys from the ignition and yipped, "We're taking this car."
But first she sprinted to Dean and poked him hard with keys "all over my body," he says. For reasons he doesn't understand, the two women ordered Peterson into the backseat of the car. Then they sped off.
Dean dug his cell phone out of his pants and called 911. Soon, police found the car, with the women still inside. Absent was Peterson, who'd been forced out not far from Harrison Homes. Police found her walking nearby a while later.
Police arrested two women: Martella M. Brown, 19, 2719 N. Trewyen Ave., and Nicole S. Bailey, 23, 2414 W. Malone St. Both have been charged with aggravated battery. Brown, whose residence is on the same block as the attack, also faces a count of vehicular hijacking.
Banged up, Dean took up the cops' offer of an ambulance ride to Methodist Medical Center. He suffered multiple bruises, but otherwise is all right. He was released later that morning.
Peterson was unavailable for comment. Dean says that her mother, after hearing about the assault, drove to Peoria and brought her daughter to the mom's home in Champaign - where, apparently, law-abiding citizens are free from the risks of vine-ripened weapons.
Dean just shakes his head and grins at the weirdness.
"It was crazy, man," he says.
-----
1. People don't go "just driving" near Harrison Homes, especially at 2 in the morning. Why? Because you get attacked with fucking cucumbers.
2. "The cucumbers were this big." That's what she said.
3. I'm still pretty flustered. This story is just too awesome for it's own good.
Putting produce to bad use
By Phil Luciano
Ricky Dean got beat up pretty bad, walloped by bricks and jabbed with car keys.
But what really hurt was the cucumbers.
Dean ended up in the hospital after he was pummeled by two alleged cuke-wielding carjackers.
"It was wild," says Dean, 45, smiling while rubbing various bruises all over his body.
Early Tuesday, Dean, who lives near Northwoods Mall, was with his girlfriend, Sara Peterson, 22, who lives in Far North Peoria. About 2 a.m., they were "just driving" near Harrison Homes, he says.
With Dean in the passenger seat, Peterson was at the wheel of her souped-up '93 Ford Escort. In the 2700 block of North Trewyn Avenue, they heard two women scream, "Help!"
Peterson stopped the car. Dean stepped out, telling her to stay put while he went to talk to the women. They were standing outside a car, which apparently one of them owns, Dean says. He says he does not know the women.
Dean now thinks the pair had been looking for an easy mark.
"They were looking for somebody, I guess," he says.
He started to ask if they needed help. But they yelled at him, "Get away from your car!"
They were packing heavy ammunition: Bricks, apparently swiped from a nearby construction site. Each flung a brick at Dean, with one bashing him in the left shoulder.
Bereft of more bricks, they reached into their car and hoisted out a grocery sack. It was stuffed with cucumbers.
In recollection, Dean's eyes widen and he holds his hands about two feet apart: "The cucumbers were this big."
They rushed Dean and started pounding him with the cukes. He ducked and turned, but the women belted his back with the gargantuan gourds.
Dean, who stands about 5 feet 9 inches and weighs a robust 325 pounds, did not hit back.
"They were ladies," he says.
As the beating continued, he tried to get them off him. "I kept pushing them," he says. "(But) they were pretty big women."
They then noticed Peterson had stepped out of the car. An attacker dashed over, grabbed the keys from the ignition and yipped, "We're taking this car."
But first she sprinted to Dean and poked him hard with keys "all over my body," he says. For reasons he doesn't understand, the two women ordered Peterson into the backseat of the car. Then they sped off.
Dean dug his cell phone out of his pants and called 911. Soon, police found the car, with the women still inside. Absent was Peterson, who'd been forced out not far from Harrison Homes. Police found her walking nearby a while later.
Police arrested two women: Martella M. Brown, 19, 2719 N. Trewyen Ave., and Nicole S. Bailey, 23, 2414 W. Malone St. Both have been charged with aggravated battery. Brown, whose residence is on the same block as the attack, also faces a count of vehicular hijacking.
Banged up, Dean took up the cops' offer of an ambulance ride to Methodist Medical Center. He suffered multiple bruises, but otherwise is all right. He was released later that morning.
Peterson was unavailable for comment. Dean says that her mother, after hearing about the assault, drove to Peoria and brought her daughter to the mom's home in Champaign - where, apparently, law-abiding citizens are free from the risks of vine-ripened weapons.
Dean just shakes his head and grins at the weirdness.
"It was crazy, man," he says.
-----
1. People don't go "just driving" near Harrison Homes, especially at 2 in the morning. Why? Because you get attacked with fucking cucumbers.
2. "The cucumbers were this big." That's what she said.
3. I'm still pretty flustered. This story is just too awesome for it's own good.
Labels: Awesomness, Cucumber Beatings, Peoria, Stuff That She Said
Comments:
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i love me some big cucumbers! Seriously though, this kind of shit REALLY happens?!
# posted by 
: 1:43 PM
: 1:43 PM
What I don't get... How does a 45-year-old, 5'9", 325 man score himself a 22-year-old girlfriend from Champaign?
My theory involves the size of those honkin' cukes.
My theory involves the size of those honkin' cukes.
Why would they only grab two bricks? The bricks were free - they paid for the cucmbers. Or maybe they didn't. How would you shoplift a 2 foot cucmber?
I was gonna ask the same thing Liam. Clearly it must be the sweet ride. I gotta get me a '93 Escort and pimp it out.
That detail only makes it more mysterious, John. The souped-out Escort is HERS!
So this 45-year-old fatass is somehow pickling his cucumber in a 22-year-old with a bitchin' ride.
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So this 45-year-old fatass is somehow pickling his cucumber in a 22-year-old with a bitchin' ride.
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