8/31/2007
Labor Day: A Time to Unwind and Spread Your Commie Rhetoric (?)
I went on record back in March that the combo of St Patrick's Day/NCAA Tourney was putting the weekend of 3/17 high in the running for weekend of '07. It officially has some competition: St Louis is bringing it this weekend. Air Show/Blues Fest/Japanese Fest/Greek Fest? That's more than this sleepy little burgh can normally muster in an entire year, all crammed into three days of late summer wonder.
Throw in a Cardinals team in the middle of a playoff mosey (I refuse to call the NL Central a race anymore) limping back into town to take on the Reds and the return of the Illinois - Missouri football rivalry, and that is one packed weekend.
Personally, I am the most excited about the start of college football (although eating my own weight in gyros down at the Greek fest is appetizing as well), however I am not nearly as excited for the Illini-Mizzou game as I should be. The Busch Braggin' Rights game is well documented as being close to my favorite day of the year (Summer solstice), this contest should really be getting my spirits up. If I had to gauge my actual interest level, it would be somewhere between tepid and mild.
Why? Well, one: Illinois is going to get smoked, and two: There are no rights on the line.
Instead of getting sponsored by a beer favored by rednecks, the powers which be sold the rights to State Farm and decided to name it "Arch Rivalry."
Get it? "Arch Rivalry?" It's in St Louis! We have an arch! Fuck, that's clever.
(Current list of hates: 3. Hee Seop Choi, 2. Ragtime Music, 1. Arch. God, I hate the fucking Arch.)
So instead of putting rights to another local product (I personally like "Imo's Impressin' Rights," Liam once suggested the "Sub Shop vs. Jimmy John's Cut Above Game" -- feel free to drop off any other ideas below), they went with a pun. Great.
Unless, of course, they are subtly putting access to the arch on the line, which would be fine with me seeing as I want nothing to do with that deathtrap until they put some doors on it and Illinois is going to get destroyed anyway.
Man, this post really veered off topic.
So, in conclusion: I could not be looking forward to this weekend anymore. If you're in Dogtown this weekend and smell some sweet cherry wood burning, it is I, smoking a pork shoulder, probably drunk and most definitely without pants. Come on in and grab yourself a bloody mary and a round of good time on the house. Just don't hit me with your cucumbers.
[have a great labor day weekend everyone. seriously, illinois is going to get killed saturday.]
Throw in a Cardinals team in the middle of a playoff mosey (I refuse to call the NL Central a race anymore) limping back into town to take on the Reds and the return of the Illinois - Missouri football rivalry, and that is one packed weekend.
Personally, I am the most excited about the start of college football (although eating my own weight in gyros down at the Greek fest is appetizing as well), however I am not nearly as excited for the Illini-Mizzou game as I should be. The Busch Braggin' Rights game is well documented as being close to my favorite day of the year (Summer solstice), this contest should really be getting my spirits up. If I had to gauge my actual interest level, it would be somewhere between tepid and mild.
Why? Well, one: Illinois is going to get smoked, and two: There are no rights on the line.
Instead of getting sponsored by a beer favored by rednecks, the powers which be sold the rights to State Farm and decided to name it "Arch Rivalry."
Get it? "Arch Rivalry?" It's in St Louis! We have an arch! Fuck, that's clever.
(Current list of hates: 3. Hee Seop Choi, 2. Ragtime Music, 1. Arch. God, I hate the fucking Arch.)
So instead of putting rights to another local product (I personally like "Imo's Impressin' Rights," Liam once suggested the "Sub Shop vs. Jimmy John's Cut Above Game" -- feel free to drop off any other ideas below), they went with a pun. Great.
Unless, of course, they are subtly putting access to the arch on the line, which would be fine with me seeing as I want nothing to do with that deathtrap until they put some doors on it and Illinois is going to get destroyed anyway.
Man, this post really veered off topic.
So, in conclusion: I could not be looking forward to this weekend anymore. If you're in Dogtown this weekend and smell some sweet cherry wood burning, it is I, smoking a pork shoulder, probably drunk and most definitely without pants. Come on in and grab yourself a bloody mary and a round of good time on the house. Just don't hit me with your cucumbers.
[have a great labor day weekend everyone. seriously, illinois is going to get killed saturday.]
Labels: Cucumber Beatings, Hating Pants, Reverse Jinxs, Stuff You Probably Don't Care About
8/30/2007
The Cucumber Saga Continues
We have a follow up!
Putting produce to bad use
By Phil Luciano
Ricky Dean got beat up pretty bad, walloped by bricks and jabbed with car keys.
But what really hurt was the cucumbers.
Dean ended up in the hospital after he was pummeled by two alleged cuke-wielding carjackers.
"It was wild," says Dean, 45, smiling while rubbing various bruises all over his body.
Early Tuesday, Dean, who lives near Northwoods Mall, was with his girlfriend, Sara Peterson, 22, who lives in Far North Peoria. About 2 a.m., they were "just driving" near Harrison Homes, he says.
With Dean in the passenger seat, Peterson was at the wheel of her souped-up '93 Ford Escort. In the 2700 block of North Trewyn Avenue, they heard two women scream, "Help!"
Peterson stopped the car. Dean stepped out, telling her to stay put while he went to talk to the women. They were standing outside a car, which apparently one of them owns, Dean says. He says he does not know the women.
Dean now thinks the pair had been looking for an easy mark.
"They were looking for somebody, I guess," he says.
He started to ask if they needed help. But they yelled at him, "Get away from your car!"
They were packing heavy ammunition: Bricks, apparently swiped from a nearby construction site. Each flung a brick at Dean, with one bashing him in the left shoulder.
Bereft of more bricks, they reached into their car and hoisted out a grocery sack. It was stuffed with cucumbers.
In recollection, Dean's eyes widen and he holds his hands about two feet apart: "The cucumbers were this big."
They rushed Dean and started pounding him with the cukes. He ducked and turned, but the women belted his back with the gargantuan gourds.
Dean, who stands about 5 feet 9 inches and weighs a robust 325 pounds, did not hit back.
"They were ladies," he says.
As the beating continued, he tried to get them off him. "I kept pushing them," he says. "(But) they were pretty big women."
They then noticed Peterson had stepped out of the car. An attacker dashed over, grabbed the keys from the ignition and yipped, "We're taking this car."
But first she sprinted to Dean and poked him hard with keys "all over my body," he says. For reasons he doesn't understand, the two women ordered Peterson into the backseat of the car. Then they sped off.
Dean dug his cell phone out of his pants and called 911. Soon, police found the car, with the women still inside. Absent was Peterson, who'd been forced out not far from Harrison Homes. Police found her walking nearby a while later.
Police arrested two women: Martella M. Brown, 19, 2719 N. Trewyen Ave., and Nicole S. Bailey, 23, 2414 W. Malone St. Both have been charged with aggravated battery. Brown, whose residence is on the same block as the attack, also faces a count of vehicular hijacking.
Banged up, Dean took up the cops' offer of an ambulance ride to Methodist Medical Center. He suffered multiple bruises, but otherwise is all right. He was released later that morning.
Peterson was unavailable for comment. Dean says that her mother, after hearing about the assault, drove to Peoria and brought her daughter to the mom's home in Champaign - where, apparently, law-abiding citizens are free from the risks of vine-ripened weapons.
Dean just shakes his head and grins at the weirdness.
"It was crazy, man," he says.
-----
1. People don't go "just driving" near Harrison Homes, especially at 2 in the morning. Why? Because you get attacked with fucking cucumbers.
2. "The cucumbers were this big." That's what she said.
3. I'm still pretty flustered. This story is just too awesome for it's own good.
Putting produce to bad use
By Phil Luciano
Ricky Dean got beat up pretty bad, walloped by bricks and jabbed with car keys.
But what really hurt was the cucumbers.
Dean ended up in the hospital after he was pummeled by two alleged cuke-wielding carjackers.
"It was wild," says Dean, 45, smiling while rubbing various bruises all over his body.
Early Tuesday, Dean, who lives near Northwoods Mall, was with his girlfriend, Sara Peterson, 22, who lives in Far North Peoria. About 2 a.m., they were "just driving" near Harrison Homes, he says.
With Dean in the passenger seat, Peterson was at the wheel of her souped-up '93 Ford Escort. In the 2700 block of North Trewyn Avenue, they heard two women scream, "Help!"
Peterson stopped the car. Dean stepped out, telling her to stay put while he went to talk to the women. They were standing outside a car, which apparently one of them owns, Dean says. He says he does not know the women.
Dean now thinks the pair had been looking for an easy mark.
"They were looking for somebody, I guess," he says.
He started to ask if they needed help. But they yelled at him, "Get away from your car!"
They were packing heavy ammunition: Bricks, apparently swiped from a nearby construction site. Each flung a brick at Dean, with one bashing him in the left shoulder.
Bereft of more bricks, they reached into their car and hoisted out a grocery sack. It was stuffed with cucumbers.
In recollection, Dean's eyes widen and he holds his hands about two feet apart: "The cucumbers were this big."
They rushed Dean and started pounding him with the cukes. He ducked and turned, but the women belted his back with the gargantuan gourds.
Dean, who stands about 5 feet 9 inches and weighs a robust 325 pounds, did not hit back.
"They were ladies," he says.
As the beating continued, he tried to get them off him. "I kept pushing them," he says. "(But) they were pretty big women."
They then noticed Peterson had stepped out of the car. An attacker dashed over, grabbed the keys from the ignition and yipped, "We're taking this car."
But first she sprinted to Dean and poked him hard with keys "all over my body," he says. For reasons he doesn't understand, the two women ordered Peterson into the backseat of the car. Then they sped off.
Dean dug his cell phone out of his pants and called 911. Soon, police found the car, with the women still inside. Absent was Peterson, who'd been forced out not far from Harrison Homes. Police found her walking nearby a while later.
Police arrested two women: Martella M. Brown, 19, 2719 N. Trewyen Ave., and Nicole S. Bailey, 23, 2414 W. Malone St. Both have been charged with aggravated battery. Brown, whose residence is on the same block as the attack, also faces a count of vehicular hijacking.
Banged up, Dean took up the cops' offer of an ambulance ride to Methodist Medical Center. He suffered multiple bruises, but otherwise is all right. He was released later that morning.
Peterson was unavailable for comment. Dean says that her mother, after hearing about the assault, drove to Peoria and brought her daughter to the mom's home in Champaign - where, apparently, law-abiding citizens are free from the risks of vine-ripened weapons.
Dean just shakes his head and grins at the weirdness.
"It was crazy, man," he says.
-----
1. People don't go "just driving" near Harrison Homes, especially at 2 in the morning. Why? Because you get attacked with fucking cucumbers.
2. "The cucumbers were this big." That's what she said.
3. I'm still pretty flustered. This story is just too awesome for it's own good.
Labels: Awesomness, Cucumber Beatings, Peoria, Stuff That She Said
8/29/2007
Probably the Only Time "Beaten With Cucumber, Car Keys" Has Ever Been Written. Ever.
This is the type of story which I would normally provide some sort of commentary on. I, however, can not. I'm beyond flustered right now. I'm just really fucking proud of my hometown.
Peorian reportedly beaten with cucumber, car keys
PEORIA - A Central Peoria man was hospitalized early Tuesday for a back injury allegedly inflicted by women armed with bricks, keys and a cucumber.
Ricky D. Dean, 45, and Sara E. Peterson, 22, also of Peoria, were driving in the 2700 block of Trewyn Avenue about 2 a.m. when three women yelled at them to stop their car.
When Dean pulled over, two of the three women, later determined to be Martella M. Brown, 19, and Nicole S. Bailey, 23, approached and started throwing bricks at the car, police said.
Dean got out of the car to confront the women, but continued to be battered by the them. One of them reached inside the car, stole the car keys and then used them to hit Dean, reports said.
As he was hit with the keys, the other woman struck him on the back with a cucumber.
The trio then got into Dean's car and drove away, with Peterson still inside.
Police stopped the car about 30 minutes later in the 3800 block of Southwest Adams Street, but Peterson was not in the car. She was located elsewhere in Harrison Homes uninjured.
Brown, 2718 N. Trewyn Ave., and Bailey, 2414 W. Malone St., were arrested on charges of aggravated battery. Brown also faces a charge of vehicular hijacking for the crime.
The third woman, whose name was not available, was not arrested because she did not partake in the brick-throwing and beating, police said.
Dean, who complained of back pain, was taken to Methodist Medical Center, treated and released.
Peorian reportedly beaten with cucumber, car keys
PEORIA - A Central Peoria man was hospitalized early Tuesday for a back injury allegedly inflicted by women armed with bricks, keys and a cucumber.
Ricky D. Dean, 45, and Sara E. Peterson, 22, also of Peoria, were driving in the 2700 block of Trewyn Avenue about 2 a.m. when three women yelled at them to stop their car.
When Dean pulled over, two of the three women, later determined to be Martella M. Brown, 19, and Nicole S. Bailey, 23, approached and started throwing bricks at the car, police said.
Dean got out of the car to confront the women, but continued to be battered by the them. One of them reached inside the car, stole the car keys and then used them to hit Dean, reports said.
As he was hit with the keys, the other woman struck him on the back with a cucumber.
The trio then got into Dean's car and drove away, with Peterson still inside.
Police stopped the car about 30 minutes later in the 3800 block of Southwest Adams Street, but Peterson was not in the car. She was located elsewhere in Harrison Homes uninjured.
Brown, 2718 N. Trewyn Ave., and Bailey, 2414 W. Malone St., were arrested on charges of aggravated battery. Brown also faces a charge of vehicular hijacking for the crime.
The third woman, whose name was not available, was not arrested because she did not partake in the brick-throwing and beating, police said.
Dean, who complained of back pain, was taken to Methodist Medical Center, treated and released.
Labels: Cucumber Beatings, Peoria, Stuff You Probably Don't Care About
