3/30/2007
Previewing the NL Central, Part VIII
September 22nd, 2007: After clinching another division title, Tony La Russa celebrates with a long night of banging boilermakers and rock and ryes with Joe Petini. Later that night, he mistakenly takes a drunken poop in Dave Duncan's toilet, becoming the third manager in baseball history to literally poop on a twenty game winner.*
*The last being Johnny Keane mistakingly sharting on Bob Gibson during an autograph convention in 1967. Gibson then killed him.
[And big ups (cool kids still saying that?) to Pat Imig for planting the idea in my head that Dave Duncan's toilet could win twenty games. Who would have thought it would eventually lead to me drawing a crude pencil sketch of a half naked 62 year old man dropping the kids off at the pool? Me, for one.]
[have a great opening day weekend, everybody. if you have any spare tickets for sundays game, i will give you this here half eaten blt for them. oh, and go read this. will nailed it, like bob vila. (you thought i was going to make a whore joke there, didn't you? nope; it's all late 80's PBS humor, all the time.)]
Labels: 2007 NL Central, Bob Vila, Dumb Cartoons
Previewing the NL Central, Part VII
August 5th, 2007: Chris Duncan crashes through the wall at RFK and dies, forcing Cardinals manager Wilford Brimley (played by Tony La Russa) to start old rookie Rick Ankiel in left field for the rest of the year. He hits the cover off of the ball.
Labels: 2007 NL Central, Dumb Cartoons
3/29/2007
Previewing the NL Central, Part VI
September 20th, 2007: Amazingly, Dave Duncan's toilet wins it's twentieth game of the season.
Labels: 2007 NL Central, Dumb Cartoons
3/28/2007
Previewing the NL Central, Part V
April 4th, 2007: After throwing one inning of perfect baseball, Braden Looper's arm falls off.
After weighing his options as to who should be the new #5 starter, Dave Duncan decides "Fuck it. I'm Dave Fucking Duncan. My toilet could win 20 games!"
April 10th, 2007: Dave Duncan's toilet makes it's first start of the year.
Labels: 2007 NL Central, Dumb Cartoons
3/27/2007
Previewing the NL Central, Part IV
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May 6, 2007: The game between the Pirates and the Brewers is canceled when first basemen Brad Eldred, Prince Fielder, and umpire Bruce Froemming kill and eat Freddy Sanchez during the third inning.
Labels: 2007 NL Central, Dumb Cartoons, Eating People
3/23/2007
Previewing the NL Central, Part III
May 29th, 2007: In an effort to make Minute Maid Park (quote) more ridiculous (end quote), the Astros have a ferris wheel installed in right-center field.
[have a great weekend, folks. if you need me, i'll be at a sausage fest. no, not the kind that dominated my social life through the age of twenty-two; the real kind.]
Labels: 2007 NL Central, Dumb Cartoons
3/22/2007
Previewing the NL Central, Part II
May 17th, 2007: After a game of Connect Four goes horribly awry, Carlos Zambrano and Ted Lilly fight to the death.
Labels: 2007 NL Central, Dumb Cartoons
3/21/2007
Previewing the NL Central, Part I
To help pass the time between now and opening day, I'll be running a new cartoon (or cartoon-ish type monstrosity like todays) every day between now and the time Chris Carpenter throws that first pitch o' the year on April Fools day. The cartoons will be a quasi-preview of the upcoming NL Central season. A look... into the future.
April 9, 2007: Alfonso Soriano is hit by a bus while walking to his first game at Wrigley Field. He dies.
April 9, 2007: Alfonso Soriano is hit by a bus while walking to his first game at Wrigley Field. He dies.
Labels: 2007 NL Central, Dumb Cartoons
