Who the shit is this assbutt?

Miles Would Fit Well Back Here

Is "Here" the backseat of a 1970's VW Beetle? If so, I agree.

The Cardinals are in the process or, more likely, have already made their decisions regarding whom they want to retain from their own free agent pool.

Jake Westbrook is a given. They want him back. It's just a matter of if it makes financial sense on both sides. If the Cards and Westbrook's people can come to an agreement...the starting pitcher will be back.

I'd just like to note that so far, this is a very harmless little blog post. Not a lot of new information or really any insight, opinion, or correct grammar... but nothing to really make fun of, either. Just some dude that works at a radio station, his boss probably makes him write blog posts so they can be all multi-media, and he wrote a post about a scrappy, white, terrible baseball player that our stupid city loves. Fucking as harmless as Ed Begley Jr eating a ham sandwich on a 60 degree day.

Besides him, though, it’s a jumble. (1) Randy Winn probably will get offered more playing time elsewhere. (2)Mike MacDougal could work, but maybe not. (3)Jeff Suppan would be a nice fit for depth…but how can you guarantee him anything on the Major League roster?

1. No he will not.
2. Mike MacDougal sucks.
3. No he would not.

Aaron Miles, however, is someone that would be a terrific fit back here in St. Louis. For someone who will, undoubtedly, be your last guy off the bench…you can much worse than Aaron Miles.

“you can much worse than Aaron Miles”? Ignoring the fact that sentence does not make sense… You can not much worse than Aaron Miles.

He can play multiple positions.


He is a switch hitter.

And sucks at both sides.

And most important of all, he does not need to start many games to still give you tough at-bats in late inning pinch hit situations.

Becuase he’s a fucking terrible baseball player and should be thankful to be in the Majors.

Miles is perfectly comfortable sitting on the bench, not getting much time in the field and then all of a sudden having to get up and take a critical at-bat late in a game.

That’s nice?

This past season he did pretty well. Miles was over .300 for the vast majority of the season before settling for a .281 average to go along with .311 on-base percentage.

He was fucking awful.

Do you want Miles to be an everyday starter? No. Do you want Miles to be one of your top utility guys? Probably not. But as your 13th position player who is not in the regular rotation to get some starts? Absolutely.

You forgot to write the word “not” between “Absolutely” and the period. And are we going to have half a dozen “13th men” again next year? At some point in time, you have to stop putting “25th men” on your team. Start now.

In fact, you need a seasoned veteran to be in that role. We’ve seen too many young players come up to the big league level here in St. Louis and not be able to adjust to the job of coming off the bench. When young players come up here, they need to play. A lot.

Allen Craig had a bad month with the most ridiculous BABIP in the history of Pangaea. That’s all you’re referring to, isn’t it?

But not Miles. You can give those valuable starts and valuable at-bats to the younger guys that need them. While you can just let Miles sit there and patiently wait his turn.

Plus he organizes the weekly Jenga tournaments in the clubhouse. TRY DOING THAT, TYLER FUCKING GREENE.

When it’s time to get up and take a critical tough at-bat late in the game…he’ll be ready.

To fail, 69% of the time.

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Oh, hello, internet.

Sorry for not talking to you in a bit. I assure you, it's me, not you. Nothing you did. I just... have... issues.

Anyhoo, how's it been? Everything good? Good.


This might sound a little awkward, but... I... forgot to tell you, I have a new blog.

I write there every Friday now... Yeah, I'm over there.

They're paying me and everything. Totally on the up and up. Check it out... You know, if it's not too awkward.

Saint Louis SBNation.

Well, five more work days until I have a nine day stay-cation; full of disappointing Cardinals baseball, random Saint Louis touristy stuff, wine, The Burbs, riding a motorcycle (!) and laziness.

Have a great summer, internet!

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Dear Virginia Coleman & Gary Halm

You guys owe John Mozeliak an apology.

Also, write more letters to newspapers, America! I, personally, love them.

In the age of anonymous comments on online newspaper articles [which makes our fair city of Saint Louis appear to consist nearly entirely of racists, fear mongers, the under educated, racists, elitists, suburbanites, and racists (judging by the comments left at the Saint Louis Post Dispatch). Seriously, it's most racist shit you'll ever read], sitting down to pen a message via quill and textile and mailing off said correspondence is not only quaint, it's motherfucking gentlemanly.

In conclusion, Aaron Miles is bad at playing baseball.

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Social Commentary in America

Do you realize we have gone from an America where interracial couples couldn't marry fifty years ago, to one, where, if you listen to certain congresswomen from Minnesota, we will abort your white, Christian child because you ate at Taco Bell when you were seven months pregnant?

Once, you would be discriminated against because you found someone of the the same sex attractive or you didn't want to kill someone from the other side of the world in the name of "democracy."

Today you just aren't allowed to find someone of the same sex attractive as you die or kill for "democracy" or else it's goodbye, fag.

Our society has devolved while progressing at paces literally unimaginable.

Case in point: Great musical social commentary forty years ago was Curtis Mayfield's "We People Who Are Darker Than Blue." Today: Some idiot on Fox saying "Pants on the Ground" over and fucking over.

Sometimes, like right now, I love this country because of our history, and I hate our country because of our reality.

"Pants on the ground."

We are so fucked.

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RIP, My Brother... THE DOCTOR!!!

Off to that great basement incinerator in the sly, Dr Werner Klopek.


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"I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize the state of Missouri."